I was walking around in a supermarket when i saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, ‘I’m sorry, but you don’t have enough money to buy this doll.” The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ”Granny, are you sure I don’t have enough money?” She replied, ”You know that you don’t have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.” Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. ‘It’s the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.’ I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. ‘No, Santa Claus can’t bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.’ His eyes were so sad while saying this, ‘My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.” My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, ‘I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.’ Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me ‘I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won’t forget me.’ ‘I love my mommy and I wish she didn’t have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.’ Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. ‘Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!” OK’ he said, ‘I hope I do have enough.’ I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, ‘Thank you God for giving me enough money!’ Then he looked at me and added, ‘I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!” ‘I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn’t dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.” ‘My mommy loves white roses.’ A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started.
I couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn’t stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine, and in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
(1) forward this page to your friends.
(2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart xx
A little story: Once there were two children who lived in the inner city in Dublin. They were twins, a boy and a girl. They had no chance in life. Even as babies they were addicts – even before they left the womb. Their mother was addicted to heroin. The father came and went bringing violence and abuse with him. The children lived in squalor. They had no education, barely enough to eat, and resorted to thieving to feed their mother’s addiction. At last they were taken into care but nothing could change the pattern of their childhood. They ran away and spent long periods on the streets. The boy developed his own drug habit by the age of twelve. The girl broke away. She experienced abuse in the guise of help and realized there was no authority under the sun she could trust. But then as if a voice inside her had spoken she decided she would build her own life, from the ground up. She managed, with difficulty, to find a job and a room. After some time she took literacy classes, and then progressed to night-school. Finally she enrolled in college and gained a qualification. As the years passed she married, bought a house and had children. One day she was walking over O’Connell Bridge and she saw a figure hunched inside a sleeping bag, begging with a plastic cup in front of him. It was her brother – her twin. He didn’t see her.
The brother never made it. He didn’t have the same opportunities. And yet their opportunities were exactly the same.
How is this possible? It wasn’t nature and it certainly wasn’t nurture – both things had failed them completely. They had no chance in life. So how did one rise up and the other didn’t?
I have no answer to this. One could look for little sociological clues or say, perhaps, that the father had managed to spare an ounce more love for the girl than for the boy. Somehow it feels as if you have to say something: find some excuse for life.
I pondered over this and came up with one or two contributory elements, apparently unrelated. The first was that, ‘You only receive what you can cope with’. I believe this – that life gives you what you can handle, whether it seems fair or not. It’s not a question of what you deserve but what you can cope with. This doesn’t quite fit in, in terms of finding explanations, excuses or justifications. Even if the shoulders are weak they carry the burden up to the last breath. I could go on and say, the greater the heart the greater the load, until there is a universe to bear. If a god’s own steps are slowed with the burden he has to bear, then a human love might step in to help. I think we’re in this position in life: that we bear the burden we can cope with in order that the divine can carry the universe. In other words, by bearing the load – often without any explanation or help – we perform a service for the divine in us. Even if we don’t know there is any divine there at all.
The second element is the question of heart. In the story the girl seems to have more ‘heart’ – in the sense of being able to lift herself up – than the boy. Why is this? Both are like people lying on a bed of burning coals with feet pressing them down. Why does one have the heart to get up while the other doesn’t? This is just the original question put in a different form. Is it that one is born with the heart while the other isn’t? We’ve already established that both were born addicted. For me the answer is that the heart has to be given. In this case it has to be given by the divine: the divine returns the help it has received through the human being carrying its burden. This again brings up the question, ‘Why does one deserve help and not the other?’
I believe the answer lies in my third element which is: Powerlessness. Powerlessness soaks the argument out of you. It is the opposite of ‘world’. The world is power. It has fullness, resources, opportunities. Powerlessness leaves you like an empty, burnished bowl. It is the only time in life when it’s justified to say that the human being is an empty vessel which has to be filled up – when powerlessness has done its work. This is the great theme of tragedy: catharsis. In drama the point comes when the gods say, ‘It’s done – that’s enough’. In life it’s the same: the empty bowl can be filled with the flame of ‘heart’ which is the only real power in the world. I think this is the only explanation why one rises up and the other doesn’t – the words, ‘It is enough’.
All these ‘contributory elements’ aren’t explanations at all. But neither are they excuses or justifications. Just try and find a satisfying answer to problems like this that doesn’t include judgements or excuses for life: ‘He must have deserved it’; ‘it was his karma’; ‘she had something in her that he didn’t’; ‘there must have been something different that gave her a chance’. I would personally like to find comprehensive answers that don’t impose further burdens. Too often the feet pressing you down on the burning coals have some connection to religion. And I like answers which belong within the spiritual nature of the human being. To my mind those will have ‘heart’ and the chance of personal responsibility.
However, all this circling around the question is just the way my particular mind works. I would love to hear from anyone who has more experience or different insights!
Jay Landar – About the Author:
Take a walk with author and poet Jay Landar through worlds of fantasy, inspiration and insight. On the way you will see the people and problems of today – the trials of the globe we all inhabit as it grows towards a new era. Find the truth of the inner self and the gentle light it sheds on these struggles – a light which can only grow stronger. Romance, Truth and Beauty are the keywords of my articles. Please join me on our walk through these worlds!
Practicing relaxation techniques can help calm our
days when they get too stressful. It’s easy to miss out on enjoying a day in our
life if our minds are filled with worrisome thoughts and our bodies are tense
with stress. A day lived is not coming back and we should not lose it in this
For starters, eliminate some things. Avoid running around
frantically trying to do too many things. Slow down and move with an easy
If you cannot avoid problems and busy days, get in the habit of
pausing to breathe slowly and deeply. Try to continue with easy breathing as you
continue on with your tasks.
If you can get a short break
create a detailed peaceful retreat in your imagination and go there to calm your
feelings. Picture it in vivid detail. Perhaps a comfortable room with soft
music, a quiet place in the woods, a placid lake, a beautiful garden with
flowers, trees, birds. Perhaps such a place already exists. While you are there,
let go of everything except where you are.
Create a personal selection of
calming words like serene, tranquil, peaceful and repeat them to yourself as you
move through your day.
After work perhaps you can have a relaxing pastime
such as walking or listening to music.
“There is however, a true music of
nature – the song of the birds, the whisper of leaves, the ripple of waters upon
a sandy shore, the wail of wind or sea.” –
“The Human Leech is whiny”. It thrives on pity and sympathy. The Leech will do anything to gain the sympathy of those in its surroundings, and hurt those that are not, even if it has to make itself look sad and pathetic. The leech is persistent they will wear you down It’s just the way they are unfortunatley for this lifetime and probably Meany more depending on what mind set they are at now!
” GET RID OF THEM!!! You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped”
Human leeches are those people who continually want more from us no matter how much we give them. Yet they refuse to reciprocate our efforts in any appropriate or meaningful ways.
Leeching possibilities are diverse and endless. It could be a grown daughter constantly asks us to baby-sit or to continue to provide for them as you did when children and is incensed when we decline. A neighbour routinely needs us to perform favours or lend him tools, or even expect you to abide by their rules of living yet never offers to feed our cat when we’re away. A co-worker is always happy to join us for happy hour, but disappears when it’s his turn to pick up the tab, in some cases they may offer to be nice to you in some way lend you something and expect a dedicated relationship for there good deed or expect an awful lot form it this is not in there good will its to trap you.
Whatever the circumstances, the result is always the same. Energy in the relationship travels one way. Recipients of leeching feel resentful. They feel they’re being taken for a ride. They long to stop the drain on their time, emotions and finances. Yet they’re frequently at a loss about how to stanch the flow.
Leeching creates a subtle stress that’s often unrecognized until it’s out of control. Many report feeling guilty saying “no” to the leeches’ demands. They dread hurting the chronic takers’ feelings. They worry about damaging the relationship. In truth, leeches don’t respect us anyway not in any way. Our relationships are contorted at best. They only want what we can give them. When the supply runs low, they happily move on to someone else.
Most of us are happy to help others. We’re eager to chip in wherever we can. We have no problem hosting the softball pasta feed on our patio or buying groceries for an ill friend. But if that giving goes on for an extended period of time or if our efforts are underappreciated, hostility starts to creep in. The process becomes one-sided. We know we’re being used.
Of course, sometimes the involved parties aren’t on an equal footing. They can’t give back as much as they get. A frail mother who has broken her hip is going to require on-going attention from her middle-aged offspring. She can’t possibly reciprocate their behaviour.
In those situations, it’s necessary for the adult children to care for the parent, making sure that she is safe and adequately cared for. Hopefully their own children will follow in their footsteps and be kind and attentive as their folks age. It’s important to remember that leeches can’t suck us dry unless we let them. Yes, leeches have poor boundaries. They don’t understand proper protocol. They see no problem continually asking for favours as long as others are willing to comply.
But they must have willing targets who cave in to their insatiable needs. They’re adept at scanning the emotional waters to learn who is willing to give them what they want. Then, once they’ve located a potential host spot, they attach their suckers and refuse to let go.
Tips for losing human leeches
Want to rid your life of leeches once and for all? Try these techniques:
• Recognize leeching behavior. Does someone always make demands on your money or time? Are they unappreciative about what you do? Do you feel resentful about what they’re asking? Do you have trouble setting limits on your relationship? Then you’re involved with a human leech. Do something about it now!
• Avoid overgiving. Leeches prey on people who make giving a way of life. Yes, charity is honorable. But don’t chronically overextend. Give only what you comfortably can. Save ample emotional and physical resources for yourself.
• Decide on your personal boundaries. Leeches want you to feel pressured so you’ll say “yes” to their every demand. Instead, back away. Say, “I’ll let you know tomorrow.” Next, go home and analyze what you really want to do. Remember, you’re in charge.
• Practice the 2+1+1 rule. Have trouble setting limits with others? Use this sure-fire ploy: When asked to do something you don’t want to do, say two positive statements (i.e. “Thanks for thinking of me. You know I’d love to help.”), followed by your limit (“But I’m not able to volunteer at this time.”) and one more positive statement (“Hope the event goes well.”).
• Quiet guilt. You fret that your “no” will damage the relationship. Calm your fears. You’re doing the right thing, protecting your boundaries while teaching your leech an invaluable lesson.
• Don’t cave in to leeches’ ranting. Human leeches are accustomed to having their way. If they put up a fuss, feel free to ignore them. They’ll eventually stop whining and move on to someone else they can suck dry.
Leeches ~Are ruled by the green eye monster within them.