I have heard people say this many times: “I will never forgive them for what they did!”, as if by saying this they are causing harm to the person who hurt them. The reality is that they are doing the harm to themselves alone. As defined in the dictionary, when you forgive someone you “cease to feel resentment”. Resentment, along with anger, hate, jealousy and other negative emotions, will eat you up inside and can cause actual physical ailments and disease.
Often times after we have been emotionally, physically or spiritually hurt, the pain quickly turns to anger and resentment. We go over the episodes of the past in our heads, re-living each painful moment again and again like a never-ending nightmare. Each time we do this the old feelings surface and we once again feel the gut-wrenching pain the person caused us. By doing this we are living in the past instead of the present, and it can be a dangerous thing for everyone involved but the majority of danger falls right into your lap.
Many people feel that forgiveness is a gift. I agree! It is a gift, but not to the one you are forgiving. The gift is to yourself and what a wondrous gift it can be.
By forgiving the people who have hurt you in the past you set yourself free from the chains of resentment and other harmful emotions running rampant through your mind, body and spirit. By forgiving you are taking away the control the other person has over you. You are empowering yourself and growing by spiritual leaps and bounds. You will heal deep-rooted pain that perhaps you thought was gone a long time ago but has survived, living under all of the resentment that you have held onto for so long. By forgiving you are one step closer to your journey of self-growth and healing.
Some of you are on a journey of helping Creator to give healing to others who need it. The first step on your journey is to heal yourself. This can be very difficult as well as painful but the upside to the difficulties and pain is the end result, which is very rewarding indeed. It will be rewarding for both you as a healer and for those who you will help to heal.
I have heard of horrific and tragic stories relating to the suffering that people on this earth have gone through and like many of you, I have often asked how Creator could place anyone in such situations. The truth of the matter is that many people who have lived such suffering and painful lives, or have survived horrific events go on to become wonderful healers on this earth, doing Creator’s work.
They start foundations, organizations, become therapists, doctors, authors of self-help and spiritual books, host talk shows. The list goes on.
So perhaps this was Creator’s plan all along and we should be thankful for many of the sufferings that have taken place and that we have to endure. Without them many people would not be who they are today – stronger, healthier, more forgiving, more helpful to others, more loving.
I once held on to a great amount of anger towards someone who had caused me pain for many years. One day a spiritual healer asked me to surround this person in light and send him love. I looked at the spiritual healer as if she were crazy! How DARE she ask me to do such a thing! How did she even think I would be capable of forgiving someone who had hurt me so bad?! I tried to remain open to what she was telling me, but honestly did not believe I could go through with it.
Then she said something to me that grabbed my attention – “By forgiving him and sending him loving thoughts, you will free yourself and he will no longer have such a great hold on you”. As I drove home after speaking with her, I thought of this sentence many times and just the idea of the freedom from the pain sounded so joyous and peaceful, yet far away at the same time.
About a week later I quietly sat down and asked Creator to help me do what needed to be done. I asked Creator to surround this man in his light, and then sent loving thoughts to him along with my forgiveness. Most importantly, I forgave myself for the choices I had made during those years, and took responsibility for them as well. The pain that I had been holding for so long in my heart slowly poured out as I wept tears of sadness and joy at the same time. That day I freed myself from the chains of resentment and anger, from the pain I had endured for so many years, and from the control of a man who would no longer control anything about me, or within me…. I had healed myself with help from Creator, and from the spiritual healer who with one sentence changed me, and healed me. I am thankful to her and to my experience, for it has made me who I am today.
The next time you think of the act of forgiveness, try not to only see the other person(s) as the only recipient. for you are the most important recipient involved, and you are well worth it. ~ Carl Ven ~
- Healers and Lightworkers: 5 Keys for Healing at a High Vibration (joannewellington.wordpress.com)
- Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
Come on stumblers and good friends please share this help many hearts x.
- Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.
We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”
There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started:
Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life
1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.
2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past of worrying about the future.)
6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.
7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This gives you permission to shift your focus after the activity.
11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.
12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This will diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
14. Use Psychologist Steven Stosny’s HEALS technique to prevent impulsive action, which will only prolong the negative feelings.
15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
17. Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog on the beach with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.
19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
Let Go Of Past Relationships
21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.
23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”
24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.
25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.
26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.
27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head to the local bar after putting all her things in a box.
28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment.”
29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”
30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.
Let Go Of Stress
31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.
32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.
33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.
34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.
36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for 10-30 minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
37. Use this clever technique by Peak Personal Performance to fully digest and release your stress about a situation.
38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress, and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”
40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?
Written by Lori Deschene
Article Source tiny buddha
Joe makes a comment and you suddenly feel a rush of energy. Your face flushes and your knuckles whiten as you begin squeezing the edge of the table for dear life. Some part of you knows that this feeling is not proportionate to Joe’s comment or intention, but something was triggered in you nonetheless, and you’re ready to bite his head off.
To be effective as a friend, spouse, significant other, coworker, manager, leader, or whatever role you’re playing at the moment, learning to manage your feelings is a critical step toward living a happy, successful, and fulfilled life. And let me just say this up front, managing your feelings doesn’t mean that you stuff them down and repress them. It means that you become aware of what’s going on inside of you, own your feelings as your own, heed the message that they have for you, and act responsibly.
What are emotions and what is emotional mastery? Emotions are often described as energy in motion. They become problems only when we judge them as wrong, bad, or inappropriate. When we let our emotions run us, we miss the message that they carry. When we stuff them down for fear of what they might cause us to do, they simply lie in wait to emerge with a vengeance later on. Emotional mastery is the ability to process our emotions so that we receive their message and use their energy for appropriate action.
Our emotions are very much a reflection of our beliefs about life events. For example, if you believe that you are your work and you suddenly lose your job, you are likely to feel an incredible amount of fear, as you perceive your very survival to be at stake. If you repress this fear, possibly because you view it as a weakness, you’ll probably experience anger or rage and at some point, you will likely lash out at whoever’s available.
If on the other hand, you are a person who views your job simply as one aspect of your life, and you know that your inherent value lies in your unique skills and qualities, then your feelings and response to losing your job will probably be a whole lot different. You may just view this loss as an opportunity to explore a whole new path for yourself.
The bottom line here is this: how you feel in any situation corresponds exactly with what you believe about yourself and the situation. Master your beliefs, and you’ll master your emotions.
Knowing that you can change how you feel simply by changing how you think about each experience is a powerful concept. So if you feel upset about something, ask yourself, “How can I reinterpret this event in a such a way that I can feel good or at least OK about it?” If you have a bill you can’ pay, instead of getting mad or sad about it, decide that this is an opportunity to redesign your financial life. Ask for help, develop a plan, and use your energy to get moving on it.
How you think about your emotions adds even another layer. We often give ourselves a double whammy when we get upset about feeling upset. Here are some positive ways to interpret the purpose of our basic emotions set down by Peter McWilliams in his book, “Do It.”
Fear is the energy to do your best in a new situation.
Guilt is the energy for personal change-it is anger directed toward ourselves, and anger is the energy for change.
Unworthiness keeps us on track–just as we can have anything we want, we can’t have everything we want. So too, we are worthy of anything we want, but we may not be worthy of everything we want.
Hurt feelings are a reminder of how much we care.
So how can you use this information in your life? I suggest that you examine any beliefs you hold around emotions and the situations that trigger them. Begin to cultivate present moment awareness as your emotions arise. Just notice them and look at them, not as good or bad, but simply with curiosity, and with the question, what’s this energy for and how do I choose to use it?
Practice. Begin the practice of observing emotions when they arise and identify any judgments you might have about them. Focus instead on listening to the message they hold for you. Then, if you should be so bold, act on this message by expressing the emotion in a positive fashion.
OK How To Master Your Emotions
The first thing you have to understand in the mastery of your emotions is that each of your emotions are Action Signals that your mind sends to you. So these perceived negative emotions should not be suppressed, rather, you should realize the real message they send out like i said before and take proper corrective action.
Step 1. Identify Your Action Signals
These action signals can be classified broadly into 10 types namely :
Emotional pain / Hurt
Guilt / Regret
When you experience one or more of these action signals, you should realize that they are sending you a specific message. To gain control of your emotions, you have to listen to these messages and take proper action.
For example, if you feel extremely angry towards something or someone, the message this action signal sends is – One of your important rule or standard has been violated.
If you are beset with Fear , it is a clear signal that you should prepare yourselves to avoid the negative consequences.
Once you have identified the action signals you are experiencing, you move to the next step. That being …
Step 2. Change Your Perception or Procedure
Now that you have identified your action signals, you should either change your perception (style of thinking / your feelings) or change your procedure (behavioral pattern). Doing this will help you to control your emotions better.
Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World
Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.