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Relationships that break up…

relationship-breakupThinking a lot about this as so many people are going through or have recently been through this, its a hard time for these people, I remember well when my marriage ended after 14 years, thinking your on the right track, then bang, they walk out the door, leaving this trail of heart ache and devastation not only to you, but to family and friends, everyone is affected when this happens. I remember times of being suicidal, to the point where I had a councillor come to my home each week, feeling like no one else will make you happy, the fears that come with starting that new journey are both daunting and scary and if your life me and have children, there are those questions, will they like my children, will they love my children, will my children like and love that person so many things running around ones head, not wanting to move on, hoping and praying they come back, begging for them to come back, willing to change as a person to get that person back……………………………..

So where do we start when this happens, first thing I learnt was I had to look at why, was I really happy with him anyway……………. no, was the relationship the best in the world…………………….. no, what was it that I was so scared of, what was I trying to hold on too, well sometimes something is better than nothing, there is a comfort zone, knowing who you are with, knowing where you stand even when your not totally happy its better than the alternative.

The amount of people that I have asking for readings asking if they will come back, wont find anyone else, that’s  it now no more, cant do this again, why has this happened, lots and lots of questions running around ones head, answers needed to help.

If there is one thing I have learnt, that people come in our lives for a reason, sometimes it is to help each other, sometimes to experience love, sometimes to just learn lessons, no matter what there is always something good to take from the relationship and equally there is something to learn from it. the way I got through my divorce was to really look at the whole thing, I was never truly happy, but not happy to leave myself, so really he did me a favour, at the time though had anyone said that I could not have even comprehended that to be the case, I needed to come to that conclusion myself. so then I looked at what I could learn, ok so I have learnt to not just go into a relationship because I care, because they make me feel good at that time, I have learnt that I will only accept the best, and not take second best, I have learnt, that if a relationship ends, that’s how it is, its meant to be, what is more important is the healing phase, finding yourself again like I had too, no point trying to force someone to be with you, is that really going to make a good happy relationship later………………. I think not

We cant change the past, but we can the future, so what can we bring forward into a new relationship, simply ourselves, its not good carrying all those scars, holding on to what other people have done to you in the past, and no relationship will work when you do that, again its about healing, one persons loss is another ones gain.

Look at what your scared of, what is so scary about a new relationship, for me it was about someone accepting and loving me for me, the rejection dating can bring etc, there is that saying feel the fear and do it anyway. Self love is important, if you don’t love you, how can someone else truly love you.

I guess what I am trying to say is, if I can get over a 14 year marriage, stay friends with him, and go on my own journey, and find love again, and its not a love like I had in the past, it is much better than that, the relationship is different and stronger, I am happier now than I have been in my whole life, so when I look back was it really so wrong my ex husband left me for someone else?? Hell no she got my left over’s where as I started a new life.

What will be will be, if it was a mistake that person will come back to you, let them come back, but don’t put your life on hold, get out there, heal, be happy, and if that person doesn’t come back, trust me and believe me when I say to you, that you will find a greater love, and happiness than what you thought you could ever experience. I gave myself a time limit, when that clock struck midnight on new years eve, that was it for me, no more tears, no more begging, no more nothing it was going to be about me and my children, taking control is important too x

A Few things to ponder on

Is he/ she really giving you what you want and need?

Was the relationship really a happy one?

What are you actuall missing by not being in the relationship?

What are you truly scared of now?

What have you learnt from this relationship, that you can take forward in a positive way in a new relationship?

Are you ready for a new relationship?

If so what are you doing about it, sitting at home waiting wont make it happen you have to work at it, getting out and about, being on line dating sites etc?

Is there a pattern to your relationships that keep failing, is it the type of person? is there something you have not healed from?

Look at what you really want need and desreve

Is that person ticking all the boxes?

Are you paying attention to warning signs but ignoring them?

Have you forgiven the people that have hurt you in the past so that you can truly move on?

Do you love yourself enough, to be able to let another person love you?

Well that is my ramble for today; I hope it helps even if it is just one person

Lots of love, and healing to all those going through a hard time right now xx

Written by Anne Marie Psychic-Medium

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Forgiveness is best.

Forgiveness (song)

Image via Wikipedia

Forgiveness is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Why hold on to extra emotional baggage that affects you to the negative. Release those who have hurt you in any way, take a breath and verbally say you forgive them. In time your emotions will match what you are speaking. Have a great day!

To get what you want, give people what they want!

Many people upon learning the law of attraction, get excited and start putting additional effort in giving to others, in the hope that in giving to others, they will get back what they want from them. Some of these people get disappointed that in spite of giving their 100%…, they are not getting from the universe what they want, and wonder why. Some quickly jump into the conclusion that law of attraction does not work. The fact is that spiritual laws always work, however it is important that knowledge is applied correctly. Knowledge put to action in the wrong way, or in the wrong context does not work.

In order to get what we want from others, it is important that we give others what they want, not what we think they need, and not what we want to give. A farmer owns a dog and a cow. If he feeds grass to the dog and dog-food to the cow, both animals will be unhappy and hungry, despite the effort put forth by the farmer.  Although this may sound funny, simple, and obvious, this is exactly what we tend to do, as in various complex situations, we may not really know what they other person wants, and thus make wrong assumptions about it and put forth unwanted effort in the wrong place.

Practical examples of not giving people what they want:

Example 1)
There are two sets of emotional needs in romantic relationships:
Set 1:
Caring, Understanding, Respect, Devotion, Validation and Reassurance.

Set 2:
Trust, Acceptance, Appreciation, Admiration, Approval and Encouragement.

All of the above emotional needs are forms of love. Yet, just calling all of them love is oversimplification of our emotional needs. Although every one has the need for all these forms of love, research has shown that most women primarily need to receive the kinds of love listed under “Set 1” from their partners, before they can appreciate the kind of love under “Set 2”. In contrast to that, most men primarily need to receive the love under “Set 2” before they can appreciate the kind of love listed under “Set 1”. Unknowingly however, both men and women tend to give to their partners what they would personally need, instead of giving what their partners need. This is why many people think they are giving a lot to the relationship. Yet, both partners remain unfulfilled, as they are not giving what their partners want.

Example 2)
Say you are an employer and want to hire the brightest candidate for the job. You interview 30 candidates and then select the one candidate who met your criteria the best. Excited upon finding such a brilliant candidate, you offer him salary and benefits that are higher than you originally budgeted for. Yet, what the candidate really wants is not to work in the corporate world long term, but instead start his own business  soon. In spite of you giving your 100% as an employer, you cannot fulfill the candidates needs. No matter what you do from your end, since the other person is motivated by contrary desires, what you give is not of value to him. You would have been better of to offer the job to another candidate, who although may not be academically perfect as the first candidate, actually wants a long term career in the corporate world and not start his own business soon.

Example 3)
You are hired as a software tester. Instead of working as a tester, you put rigorous effort as a software programmer, as you are not really interested in testing. Indeed, you may be working very hard, but not towards the reason you were hired, and thus your employer is not likely to be satisfied.

Example 4)
You prepare a beautiful three course non-vegetarian meal, putting lot of effort. It is the most wonderful tasting meal. Only problem – the guests that came to dinner are all vegetarians. Despite all your effort,  the guests could not appreciate the value of the work you put into making the delicious meal.

Thus, in order to get what you want, it is very important to know what the other person needs, and give that. A person gets fulfilled only upon getting what he wants, and not upon receiving something else. Only in fulfilling other’s needs is it likely that they will work towards fulfilling our needs. It is important to realize that in some cases, the other person may not really want anything that we have to offer, or we may not want to give what they need. In this case, it is better to find other people who will be very fulfilled by what we have to offer, so that they in turn can fulfill us.

Forgiveness – All in all~The Path To Healing & Spiritual Growth ~

The dictionary defines the word forgive as: [to pardon, as to for-give an enemy; to cease to feel resentment for, as to forgive an offense].

I have heard people say this many times: “I will never forgive them for what they did!”, as if by saying this they are causing harm to the person who hurt them. The reality is that they are doing the harm to themselves alone. As defined in the dictionary, when you forgive someone you “cease to feel resentment”. Resentment, along with anger, hate, jealousy and other negative emotions, will eat you up inside and can cause actual physical ailments and disease.

Often times after we have been emotionally, physically or spiritually hurt, the pain quickly turns to anger and resentment. We go over the episodes of the past in our heads, re-living each painful moment again and again like a never-ending nightmare. Each time we do this the old feelings surface and we once again feel the gut-wrenching pain the person caused us. By doing this we are living in the past instead of the present, and it can be a dangerous thing for everyone involved but the majority of danger falls right into your lap.

Many people feel that forgiveness is a gift. I agree! It is a gift, but not to the one you are forgiving. The gift is to yourself and what a wondrous gift it can be.

By forgiving the people who have hurt you in the past you set yourself free from the chains of resentment and other harmful emotions running rampant through your mind, body and spirit. By forgiving you are taking away the control the other person has over you. You are empowering yourself and growing by spiritual leaps and bounds. You will heal deep-rooted pain that perhaps you thought was gone a long time ago but has survived, living under all of the resentment that you have held onto for so long. By forgiving you are one step closer to your journey of self-growth and healing.

Some of you are on a journey of helping Creator to give healing to others who need it. The first step on your journey is to heal yourself. This can be very difficult as well as painful but the upside to the difficulties and pain is the end result, which is very rewarding indeed. It will be rewarding for both you as a healer and for those who you will help to heal.

I have heard of horrific and tragic stories relating to the suffering that people on this earth have gone through and like many of you, I have often asked how Creator could place anyone in such situations. The truth of the matter is that many people who have lived such suffering and painful lives, or have survived horrific events go on to become wonderful healers on this earth, doing Creator’s work.

They start foundations, organizations, become therapists, doctors, authors of self-help and spiritual books, host talk shows. The list goes on.

So perhaps this was Creator’s plan all along and we should be thankful for many of the sufferings that have taken place and that we have to endure. Without them many people would not be who they are today – stronger, healthier, more forgiving, more helpful to others, more loving.

I once held on to a great amount of anger towards someone who had caused me pain for many years. One day a spiritual healer asked me to surround this person in light and send him love. I looked at the spiritual healer as if she were crazy! How DARE she ask me to do such a thing! How did she even think I would be capable of forgiving someone who had hurt me so bad?! I tried to remain open to what she was telling me, but honestly did not believe I could go through with it.

Then she said something to me that grabbed my attention – “By forgiving him and sending him loving thoughts, you will free yourself and he will no longer have such a great hold on you”. As I drove home after speaking with her, I thought of this sentence many times and just the idea of the freedom from the pain sounded so joyous and peaceful, yet far away at the same time.

About a week later I quietly sat down and asked Creator to help me do what needed to be done. I asked Creator to surround this man in his light, and then sent loving thoughts to him along with my forgiveness. Most importantly, I forgave myself for the choices I had made during those years, and took responsibility for them as well. The pain that I had been holding for so long in my heart slowly poured out as I wept tears of sadness and joy at the same time. That day I freed myself from the chains of resentment and anger, from the pain I had endured for so many years, and from the control of a man who would no longer control anything about me, or within me…. I had healed myself with help from Creator, and from the spiritual healer who with one sentence changed me, and healed me. I am thankful to her and to my experience, for it has made me who I am today.

The next time you think of the act of forgiveness, try not to only see the other person(s) as the only recipient. for you are the most important recipient involved, and you are well worth it. ~ Carl Ven ~

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