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How to deal with your break up after many years “appropriately!!!”

The whole point of a relationship is to be happy.

Thousands of marriages break up every year, that’s a sad fact. They start out great, but something happens along the way. It could be almost immediately that the signs begin showing that one or both mates aren’t happy, or it could take years it could be that you just grew apart that you just don’t have the same interests anymore.

Money careers and egos are often behind the most break up of a marriage but there are  other reasons that marriages break up, but shouldn’t. The lack of communication is one reason why marriages finally fall apart.

Respect Some couples, begin their relationships just by talking, and talking. Then one day, you notice that you don’t talk as much as you used to or that the conversations have little meaning. There could be many different reasons behind this. One is that the couple are tired after Work, and caring for children, and just don’t feel like talking. After many months or years of this, you seem to lose the connection you once had. Another communication problem is pretending to like something you don’t, in order to make the other person happy. Good intentions, but they often go sour after you realize that you don’t want to pretend any more. Now the only thing left to do is hurt the person’s feelings or let them know you lied and were only pretending the entire time. This often causes one mate to lose respect for the other and without respect a relationship cannot run as it should.

Jealousy Another reason that many marriages break up. Once Married many people expect their mate to give up friendships, particularly ones with the opposite sex. Many women don’t want men to go out for a night with the boys; many men want their woman to speak to no other man. Arguments follow, and hard feelings. Distrust and finally bitterness result in not being frank with each other about this topic from the beginning. Marriage will change previous relationships somewhat, but no one should have to give up their previous friendships to suit a mate. Trust is important in a relationship and trust goes out the window when either party becomes jealous and it just simply cannot work without trust no matter how hard you try.

Love. When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. But  For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.

But during this period a lot can happen like getting marred and having children together which changes everything altogether and even if you fall out of love when you have children many people do go on and chose to live a lie for the  sake of the children’s so much time in ones life is use on trying to build on this route.. when two people  have children together anyway it creates a type close to unconditional  caring love because you created another human being between you that will be forever shared ” but this is still much different from being in love” so no matter what happens you can still love each other and care a lot. So for the one that has lived the lie and for them to finely stand up and call it a day, which will happen eventually that person is probably in much more pain than you are for having to live the lie and go without true love for the one they cared about for so long.   this is the most hardest part of a break up in most marriages or long term relationships that person that has left you gave there life and time to you as much as you did them so to think that it’s just you suffering is a loud of self blinding ego ruling you..

After the relationship ends, how can you behave in a way that says you respect yourself and the situation? It’s hard because just ending a relationship can make you feel you’ve failed somehow. Still, it’s important that you respect yourself as a person and carry on.

First off for your children You and your x-mate will always be their parents. Your children need to know that they are not losing the love and care of either parent. They need to know that neither of you is divorcing your children. Reassure them that, although you and your spouse are no longer together, they will always belong to both of you.

Gather your support. Now is the time you need your friends and family, more than ever. Don’t try to go it alone but also remember your x-mate  also need support as you do, Trying to take and turn their family against them to support yourself  is  serious mental, and emotional abuse towards  your x-mate the other parent of your children, don’t forget both parents are needed in their life as are the rest of their family on both sides.. what kind of parent would do this to there children..but some people do this without thinking straight this really is between yourselves and you children NOT NO ONE ELSE.

Warnings

      • Don’t release your bad feelings on your ex mate physically. This type of rash action can have serious and lingering consequences.
      • Don’t ever use your children to fuel for your anger this is between you and your ex the children’s other parent why should your child be without one or the other..children’s success in adjusting to separation and divorce depends very much on the success of their parents’ adjustment. If you are coping well, they will cope well too. Your biggest tasks are to show that you have good coping skills and to encourage your children to keep on communicating with you both unless in cases of serious physical, mental, and emotional child abuse then it would be different.
      • To share your feelings.. Slagging off you x-mate and what your going through in front of a big audience like face book for instance is also disrespecting yourself as well as your x mate and your children. This type of behaviour is the same again mental, and emotional abuse.. once again. It’s not no ones fault when two mates or one of you fall out of love it happens it’s a part of life some people grow and some don’t. Using your ex partners family and friends that you shard together as your defence against them can have serious consequences also on them’ your x and your children this  is serious mental, and emotional abuse.
      • Don’t do anything dangerous or harmful to yourself. The pain, anguish, and anger you feel will pass – hard as it may seem to believe at the moment. Give yourself some time to feel better. Remember it’s like a broken bone: it hurts something awful at the beginning, but in time it is already beginning to heal and feel better.
      • Most of all doing the grown up thing is to accept the relationship is clearly not working and is over Don’t beg. your  mate who broke up with you. they already made up there mind. No matter how shocked, panicked, and in pain you are, don’t beg them for another chance or blackmail them with your children. It’s very hard to do, but to let this end leaving you with some shred of dignity, just say to them “I’m so sad about this, but if that’s your decision, I have no choice but to accept it,” is much more dignified than screaming,”No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you want me to!!” Let them leave and then pitch your hysterical fit and just understand they are hurting as much as you are.

In life as you go on you will realize that there is a purpose for every person you meet People come into your life to teach you things and learn from you don’t be disheartened, let down or upset if they need walk away.. Why ? because they were only meant to show you something, whether its patience, tolerance, humility, some are only there to parent your children …!Some are there to test you, some will use you, some will teach you, empathy or maybe just to be better than them; let them go with gladness in your heart because it is all part of their journey as well as yours, they obviously have further to walk than you. last of all some will bring out the best in you and some just wont so move on its needed..!
Wish them luck as you wave them goodbye… its all part of life evolving.

 All I can say is god bless you all and Please take care xxx

Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved

Top 10 Signs You’re Dating a Butthole:

10. He tells you what to wear – This subtle sign is often overlooked or disregarded as just a way to please him by wearing what he likes. What many women fail to realize is that there’s a very fine line between wearing what he likes once in awhile and totally transforming your look to please him.

9. He doesn’t let you talk to or hang out with your friends anymore – If your man is trying to restrict who you hang out with or even talk to, this should send you a red flag. You shouldn’t have to stop hanging out with your friends just because you have a boyfriend.

8. He makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells – I think this is one of the biggest red flags you can get in a relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but no matter how bad things get, you should never feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

7. You’re afraid to talk about certain things for fear of his reaction – This really goes along with number 8. You should feel like you can talk to your significant other about anything without fear of how he will react. The person you choose to spend your life with should never make you afraid to talk to them, no matter what the subject of the conversation is.

6. He pressures you into sex – I know the saying is cliche but it’s a tried and true one – if he really LOVES you, he will be willing to WAIT when you’re ready. I can’t emphasize on this point enough!

5. He accuses you of doing things for no reason – like if he accuses you of cheating, for example, when you never have. No person should have to put up with this.

4. He calls you fat, worthless, a slut, etc. and just generally puts you down – If your boyfriend calls you names, it’s definitely a warning sign. He is trying to break down your confidence and make you feel unworthy in life, so you’ll feel like he’s the only one that will ever want you. Don’t believe it.

3. He makes you give up your religion – If your boyfriend makes you give up your religion to be with him, this is a sign he doesn’t value who you are as a person. Afterall, your values are grounded in your religion, and if you give that up, you might as well give up all the values that go along with it. He should encourage you to study your religion if he truly loves you.

2. He pressures you to do drugs, drink, etc. – This one goes along with number 3 – Once he gets you to give up your values, it’s all downhill from there. And if he’s addicted to drugs or drinking, he wil more than likely try to suck you into his addictions – misery loves company, afterall

1. He hits you – This is the number one sign that something is definetly wrong. I don’t care what you said or did, if anything, but you don’t deserve to get hit. If he is hitting you, it’s time to dump him. Again, you (or anyone for that matter) DO NOT DESERVE TO BE PHYSICALLY ABUSED. Your significant other should make you feel safe and even protect you.

Well, that’s all.

By Valia

Why Stress Is So Bad For Your Health

Stress is a natural part of life. These days there are very few who don’t get  stressed over money, the economy, the housing market, jobs or even family. Our  bodies naturally react to stress through blood pressure, heart rate,  respiration, body temperature and muscle contractions. Everyone deals with  stress on different levels and in different ways.  However, if one is not  able to deal with stress it can ultimately lead to mental and physical  exhaustion.

stressedIt wasn’t until the 1930’s that the word stress was used to characterize a  condition where a stressor causes stimulus. Hans Selye, an endocrinologist,  witnessed an inappropriate physiological response to demand placed on a human or  animal.  Before coining the term stress was considered a normal part of  daily function and encounters that results in strain. Now, we know that stress  plays an important part in physical, emotional and mental well being.

Stress is defined as a failure to respond appropriately to emotional or  physical threats whether they are real or imagined. The signs of stress are  easily recognizable and can present themselves as cognitive, behavioral,  emotional or physical symptoms. Therefore when presented with stress one’s whole  demeanor, attitude and presence can change. Cognitive, emotional and behavioral  symptoms include poor judgment, negative outlook, anxiety, worrying, moodiness,  irritability, agitation, inability to relax, loneliness, isolation, depression,  lack of concentration and absentmindedness. Physical symptoms include increased  heart rate, breathing, energy, blood pressure, cholesterol and production of  sweat. Stress can also cause physical symptoms of aches and pain, diarrhea,  constipation, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, chest pain, upset stomach and  headache. Chronic stress that occurs over a longer period of time consistently  can cause both physical and psychological damage to a person. Long-term stress  depresses the immune system leaving it susceptible to infections, disease, and  illness. Stress promotes the accumulation of visceral fat, which is a leading  cause of obesity. Additional chronic stress has been connected to ulcers,  cancer, heart disease, increased outbreaks of psoriasis, depression and diabetes. In children who  experience chronic stress a stunt to developmental growth is normally seen.

Stress is normally given a bad connotation, which implies it is  negative.  However, most people forget or don’t mention good stress. When  Hans Selye discovered stress, he studied all types of stress and realized that  stress even when its good is still a stress nonetheless. He developed eustress or good stress and distress or bad stress.  Eustress is a condition that enhances ones physical or mental function such as  exercise, marriage, having a baby or a promotion. Where as, distress is  persistent stress that is not resolved through coping or adaptation, which can  lead to symptoms of withdrawal or anxiety. The difference between good and bad  stress is based upon one’s past experiences, personal expectations, and the  resources to cope with stress.

Coping with stress is not an easy task. Everyone adapts to stress differently  and some people have an easier time dealing with stress than others. The way  that the body reacts to a stressor is understood through the General Adaptation  Syndrome (GAS), which describes the effects of stress on the body. Depending  upon the intensity and duration of the stressor will determine if the stress is  acute-short term or chronic-long term.  At the first sign of stress the  bodies stress response is in a state of alarm. The body reacts by producing  adrenaline which causes a fight or flight  response. Fight or flight is the body’s way of preparing to fight (cope, adapt)  or flee. The second stage is the resistance to stress. If a stressor persists  the body must find a means of coping with the stress.  Does the body have a  way to adapt to the strain or demands of the surrounding environment? As we cope  with stress, the body’s resources (nutrients, enzymes, proteins, amino acids,  vitamins, minerals) are gradually depleted. The final stage is exhaustion where  the body’s resources are completely used up, leading to inability to function  normally. Weakness, fatigue decreased energy, inability to concentrate or think  clearly are all signs of exhaustion. Long-term exhaustion can be detrimental to  ones health and can manifest disease. Although, these stages represent a model  of how stress affects the body, stress can manifest itself differently in every  person.

No two people will respond to the exact same stressor in the exact same way.  Life experience and social background play a role in determining ones ability to  cope with stress. Normal responses to stress include adaptation, coping, anxiety and depression. Coping mechanisms  include stress management. Stress management provides individuals with  techniques to handle stress on a daily basis. Learning to cope with stress will  help you live a happier, healthier life.

Sarah  Labdar –    About the Author:

Graduated with a BA in exercise science and have worked in the medical field  since.  My focus is alternative medicine however all aspects of health  interest me.  Check out my health website!

Everyday Health, Live  your Life to the fullest!

http://www.universalhealthinfo.com/Stress.html

 

6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

broken-heartNobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

 

Read More >>> 6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship.

Ending A Narcissistic Relationship – Difficult But Necessary

When a normal relationship comes to an end it is one of the hardest things we  have to do.  But ending a narcissistic  relationship is twice as hard and can even be downright nasty. If you are  the one ending the relationship then it’s a sure sign you are healthier than you  think.  Now you just have to find a way to stay strong.

verbal-abuseYou might be ending the relationship over things that don’t seem important  but deep down you know they are insurmountable. The fact is, in a narcissistic  relationship, you are not getting your  love returned.

If you are dumped by a narcissist it will probably be quick and heartless.  You will be left on your own to  sort out what went wrong, just like in any breakup, but in this type of relationship it will be even  more confusing.  The narcissist will probably already have someone else  lined up before they leave you. In fact narcissists are sometimes serial  cheaters and they don’t have any remorse whatsoever.   If this is the  case then you should feel good about the breakup.  If you get away from  this person you will no longer be subjected to

Your decision is a little harder if you are trying to end this destructive  relationship over something that might seem small to others.  You can end  up doubting your decision, especially during the initial stages of the breakup  when you are lonely and thinking you would rather be with this person than be  alone no matter what the problems are.  You begin to believe the  manipulation you have been subjected to in the narcissistic relationship.

You think if you just try harder you can make him/her love you.    You must get this out of your mind.  The narcissist is incapable of loving  anyone but themselves.

It is important not only to stay strong when you are ending a narcissistic  relationship.  It is also important to get advice from someone who has been  there or seek out professional counseling.   This is a hard  relationship to recover from because the narcissist has very skillfully  brainwashed you into thinking everything is your fault.  They have their  hooks in you and it is hard to break free.

You need to stay focused on why you are breaking up.  You no longer want  to be put down or subjected to rages or made to feel you are unworthy of this  person.   You want a mutually loving relationship.   And  even though you have been conned into thinking you don’t – you DO deserve a healthy relationship.

The fact is that even if your partner has not cheated you have been abused in  a very subtle way.  The narcissist has controlled you and lowered your  self-esteem.  You may not even be aware of this right now but in time you  will start to heal and realize what a bad situation you have been involved  in.

You are probably ending this relationship either because your partner cheated  on you, physically or verbally abused you or was just never there for  you.   Any of those reasons are good reasons to end this  relationship.

Stay strong by remembering when you needed your partner’s emotional support  and he/she just didn’t care.  You’ve probably tried talking with your  partner many times about how you felt and he/she still didn’t care.  That  will never change.  Your desire for a partner who will have empathy for you  is what will keep you strong.  And, the narcissist is not capable of  feeling anything for you.

This might be the hardest thing to understand.  The narcissist cannot  meet your needs for reciprocal love.  Period.  Focus your energies on  someone who is deserving of your love.

Rene  Carlton –    About the Author:

Click the link for more information on the narcissistic  relationship

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