Sometimes we spend a chunk of our lives looking back on what was. We are stuck remembering and holding onto something that is no more. We reflect on old issues, remembering things that have happened and moments that have passed. Why do we do this; why is it so important to us that it, in a way, consumes us? What benefit is there from spending so much time reflecting and remembering? Sometimes it seems like our mind wanders there on its own, without our consent. We could be busy, occupied with something else, and all of a sudden we are thinking of our past and once again drawn into a moment that is gone. Why do we do this? Because we haven’t let go of what was, and because we do not fully understand it.
We hold onto moments that have affected us, moments that were hard for us or emotionally difficult, and we also hold onto what we don’t understand. Think about it, how often do you spend time remembering the great moments, the moments where all went well and everything was great? Those memories are wonderful and they should be the ones to pop up so that we can feel good and be happy. But no, this is not what we do, for we understand those moments, nothing confuses us, and therefore they are rarely looked at. We look at the ones we don’t understand because our mind is trying to figure them out. Why was it so hard, why did it hurt us so much, what could I have done differently? Why did I do what I did, or why did someone else do that to me? All these questions are being run through our memories because we are trying to understand and make sense of what happened to us. We may not get the answers, but we continue to try and we fixate on certain moments.
Do you ever find yourself reflecting on the same event over and over? One moment that was hard for you and emotionally trying? You are either trying to make sense of that moment or you haven’t chosen to let it go. For if we understand it and we still replay it over, then we are choosing to be stuck with it. You can look at it in two ways, either you are choosing to hold onto something that no longer exists because you want to or because you don’t understand it. There is one way to solve both of these problems. It is acceptance; it is that pure and that simple. If you want to be at peace with your past, accept it completely. Accept that you don’t understand it and probably never will, and then be okay with that by accepting the idea that you cannot solve it.
By accepting our past, we in turn let it go; we can let go of the moments that hurt us and we still hold onto. By accepting that it did happen, we let it go. We try to avoid this kind of acceptance, we really do, that is why we spend so much time in our past. Acceptance holds a lot of power; it not only releases, but it sends us into a much more clear and open place, one without fear, worry, or hindrances of any kind. By accepting, we are not only setting ourselves free, but we are opening ourselves up. Think about all the space you could have in your mind and in your heart if it were not filled by those trying memories. Think about how much more peaceful you could feel without that one memory that keeps bugging you. By eliminating those trying and hurtful memories, we are allowing ourselves to move on and live life in the present. Accept and be free.
Zoe Young and Adam Benedetto – About the Author:
Find your true self, and learn how to truly be in the moment at Answers in Writing.
Adam Benedetto and Zoe Young are both dedicated to enabling others to reach their full potential in life, to help others release what is holding them back, and to find their true selves. Through years of experience and development, both have sought out the answers we all need to find peace, understand ourselves, and reach enlightenment.
How To Stay Present When Your Mind Wanders
Our mind seems to wander on its own, seeming to escape our abilities to tame it. How do we go about harnessing our thoughts and controlling our mind so that we can be present? This is a very good question and one that many have tried to answer. But there is no one answer, for it really comes down to you, not the path others have taken. Very often our own patterns of thought are stuck on a very personal cycle, repeating in patterns only known to us. And this is the essential component in releasing your thoughts and calming your mind. What one thinks about, what often comes to mind when you are not paying attention, is the key. You will find it is usually the same subject matter, if not the same thought occurring over and over again. These thoughts tell you what you are concerned about, or rather what you tend to focus on in life.
We create our thoughts, maybe not on purpose, but we are giving ourselves something to think about. When we let our mind wander like this, we tend to create stress and worry. We create a bigger issue in our minds than what really exists. Even if we are not aware of what we are doing, subconsciously we are manifesting stress and worry because we are focusing too much on one thing. We respond to this, that is why we may feel tense or worried without knowing why.
We can learn from our thoughts by seeing what concerns us when we are not paying attention. What do you think about when you are not really focused? What issues come up, and what keeps replaying over and over in your mind? Now this could be something you need to deal with internally by letting go of it, in order to quiet your mind. It may also just show you what you think is important. But do you really believe it is important? Maybe these are old thoughts that you feel don’t concern you anymore. Perhaps you can release them now that you understand why you have them. The real question is do you believe them, the concerns you mind plays with and struggles with?
Sometimes we are aware of what is really important in life and yet our mind will concern itself with what it wants. Once you pull yourself back and take an objective look at what your thought cycle is, you can understand it better. Just by looking at our thoughts we can stop the pattern and let it go. Understanding yourself a little better and seeing your thoughts as patterns helps release their importance because subconsciously we may believe them, pay attention to them, and even become overworked by them. Not only do we become distracted from the moment, but we also lose sight of what is important and real.
Do we believe our scattered thoughts, do we pay attention to them, do we let them rule our subconscious? Or do we objectively see what the issue is and release the cycle ourselves. It is not about breaking the cycle so much as it is about understanding it and then releasing it. So the next time you are not paying attention to your thoughts check in and see what they are about. Continue to do this, noticing if they are repetitive and what the main issue seems to be. Next find the connection it really has to you. Is it old, new, or part of something you have always had to deal with? Is it something that needs to be dealt with, or is it something you simply no longer need to think about? When we consciously release our thoughts, they will filter out of our subconscious. We can even quiet our mind and let it relax. When we take away our issues, our mind can slip into a more relaxed state, and we become relaxed as well. You will feel more at ease and even feel less worried in life. Instead of fighting your thoughts, speculate on their origins, question your attachments to that issue, and then let them go.
- Our Conscious And Subconscious Mind (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- Positive and Negative Thoughts ~ How the Subconscious Mind Works (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- Mind Power – The Secrets (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
What is the difference between responsibility and blame? The most basic answer to that question is judgment; when you blame you judge. According to Merriam Webster, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible as a: moral, legal, or mental accountability. Blame, however, is defined by finding fault with someone or something. The most obvious difference when examining these definitions is judgment. If someone blames you for something, they have found fault with something that you have done or some decision that you made. If you are to blame then something you have said or done has caused an adverse or undesired outcome.
I, like millions of other people, grew up in a less than ideal environment. That environment hindered my growth and development during that time. That environment helped shape me into the person that I have become today. I could blame all my problems and bad decisions on my childhood. I could blame all of life’s woes on my parents; convince myself, as well as others, they are terrible people or at least terrible parents. However, any such ascertain would not only be unrealistic, it would be a lie. The truth is my parents did the best they could with the information they had available to them at the time. My parents will always be my greatest teachers. My parents may have made some decisions I wish they wouldn’t have, but to blame them takes away any personal responsibility. I used to blame all my hardships on my mother, especially, and I can assure you it never did me any good. My mother always says, “that was then and this is now” and she is right; choosing to forgive all involved and take responsibility for my part in the dysfunction helped significantly. I allowed myself to learn very valuable lessons and move on with my life and even become a better person. There is payoff in the pain; being the victim and blaming others only allows you to feel helpless, and feeling this way allows for you not to make the necessary changes that will improve your quality of life. I do realize that not everyone had a “bad” childhood but everyone has adversity that must be overcome at some point in his or her life.
Taking responsibility allows us to learn from our history and personal experiences, where as blame is just a judgment that keeps you stuck in your own personal emotional hell. Blame is a judgment that prevents us from learning from our experiences and moving on in a healthy way that is beneficial for all involved. The economy is not in chaos because of one person’s greedy decision. Our way of life has not fundamentally changed because one powerful man or woman said it should. Our current dire circumstances are a direct result of everyone’s decisions. We have corrupt politicians but they work for us and we elected them into office. We have created many of the problems that we are facing, and now is the time to take responsibility and shift into a new way of relating to each other, shifting into the next paradigm. Stop pointing your finger with blame because every time you do there are usually three more fingers pointing back at you. The big book tells addicts that they have “stinking thinking” and it is that thinking that got them into trouble in the first place. Shift from blame to responsibility and help yourself and the rest of us began the healing process together. Change your language and perception and you will see the world change right before your eyes.
L.G. Fuller – About the Author:
My name is LG Fuller and I am an aspiring author. I have always had a passion for writing and this is my attempt to turn my passion into a profession. I would love any feedback so please comment and or follow me on twitter at LGFuller07@twitter
Have you ever prayed for something and wished for it and worked hard to get it but it just doesn’t come? We have all been in this place where we want something so badly we can almost taste it and it’s not here. We wonder ‘why?’ and often think, “Why me?” or “Why NOT me?” It is frustrating and emotional. We can feel angry and disappointed. There are expectations that if we envision what we want and do the work, then we should be able to have it right? That is, after all, what the law of attraction teaches us.
When you really want something and you are going after it with much attention, action and drive, it is challenging when the result doesn’t happen fast enough for you or when it doesn’t happen at all. You start to question everything including your resolve and the actions you are taking, if you are going in the right direction. It is not an easy place to be!
It has been said that prayers are answered in one of three ways and I quite agree:
1. Yes! You can have it!
2. No, it’s not time yet.
3. No, there is something better in store for you.
The first answer, “Yes” is usually quite easy to manage. It’s what you want and you are ready for it so you celebrate your success and are quite grateful. (You DO celebrate and count acknowledge your gratitude, don’t you?)
But what happens when the answer is “No”? Either we have to wait, which is something we humans generally don’t like to do or we are not getting it at all and we have to look for something else. Either way, we are frustrated!
When Time is the Problem
Most people have a hard time with ‘patience’. We don’t understand why we can’t just have what we want when we want it especially since we think we are ready for it.
This is a challenge because of our relationship with time. I admit I am not immune here. I don’t like to wait for things, although I have improved over the years. As we get older, our relationship with time changes; we understand it better – that doesn’t mean we like it; we just learn that the universe has its own timetable and things don’t always happen when we want them to.
I don’t know about you, but I still want what I want when I want it! I have learned, however, to recognize this feeling of pushing my will on the universe and accept ‘All good things in good time’. If it is meant for me to have it or enjoy it, I will; just not right now. There is nothing I need to do, nothing I need to change. I simply need to be with ‘what is’ and not worry or concern myself with things I do not yet have.
If this is, in fact, the answer to your goals, dreams and prayers, but it is not yet the right time, then the work to be done here is to focus on getting ready. There is something that you still need to learn, do, develop or plan in order to be prepared for what is coming. The universe is preparing; so should you.
When There is Something Else in Store
This response is the hardest to handle. It requires trust that the universe knows better than you what is best for you. It is forcing you to have faith that something better is coming and you might not have a clue as to what that is.
Trust. Have faith. Continue to do the work to prepare yourself for what you believe you want. And focus on what you do have control over – YOU. Focus your energies on being your best and on developing yourself. Enjoy the here and now and make the most of it as opposed to being so focused on the future and what might be coming.
“Waiting” is never easy. I never liked the word “patience” which is another word for “waiting”. Patience implies that you are not happy with the present but rather focused on and wishing for some ideal future.
When does later ever come? If you cannot be happy with what you have, how will you ever know happiness?
I struggle here as well. It is not easy to want something and work toward it while staying focused on what you have but that is exactly what you need to do – always. If not, then you lose the present moment and all its glory to our passion over a projected future that is a fantasy. You lose the present to an illusion of what might be ‘someday’. ‘Someday’ may never come.
Happiness, contentment and joy can only be experienced in the here and now; it cannot be projected into the future.
When the answer to your prayers is ‘yes’, enjoy it. Revel in it. Be grateful and appreciative of it. This means that your vision for yourself was in complete alignment with what was meant for you.
When you do not get what you want, enjoy what you have while at the same time continuing to work toward what you want you. Trust that you will enjoy all you desire – when it is time.
About the author
Julie Donley has worked in psychiatric nursing since 1993 and founded her company, Nurturing Your Success, in 2001 to assist people in achieving their goals and working through change. She is the author of several books including Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.? and The Journey Called YOU: A Roadmap to Self-Discovery and Acceptance. Learn more at http://www.NurturingYourSuccess.com. Contact Julie at Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com to have her speak at your next meeting or conference.
“Sara!” her mom yelled. “What are you doing? You know to do your chores right when you get home! And you’re late!””Coming, Mom!” Sara yelled, getting up and stomping towards the kitchen. “What?” she snapped as her mother gave her a stern look, annoyed.
“You’d better straighten up your attitude, young lady,” her mom warned, “or you’ll be grounded.”
“Whatever.” Sara began to throw around the dishes in the sink, trying to make as much noise as she possibly could. A plate cracked and cut her hand. Sara cursed.
“Sara!” her mom exclaimed. “How dare you use that language! Go to your room!”
“No!” Sara yelled, throwing down the towel she was using to wipe the blood off her hand.
“Do you want to say ‘no’ one more time and see what happens?” her mom asked. She looked furious.
“Sure,” Sara said sarcastically. “No.”
“How dare you!” Her mother slapped her.
Sara shrank back, staring incredulously at her mom. She had never hit Sara before.
“I HATE YOU!” Sara screamed before running out of the house.
“Sara, get back here!” her mom yelled, running after her.
“Leave me alone!” Sara screamed, running across the street. “I HATE YOU!” she screamed again.
She continued running until she heard the sound of screeching tires and a scream. She turned around, hoping that it wouldn’t be what she thought it would be….
People were crowding around Sara’s mother, who was laying in the middle of the street, looking broken, bloody.
“NOOOO!” Sara screamed, running over and pushing through everyone to kneel by her mom. “Oh no, oh no….”
Her mom wasn’t moving or breathing. She was gone. Sara tipped back her head and wailed to the sky, sobbing so hard it hurt.
She couldn’t believe the last words she had spoken to her mother were “I hate you”.