“Sara!” her mom yelled. “What are you doing? You know to do your chores right when you get home! And you’re late!””Coming, Mom!” Sara yelled, getting up and stomping towards the kitchen. “What?” she snapped as her mother gave her a stern look, annoyed.
“You’d better straighten up your attitude, young lady,” her mom warned, “or you’ll be grounded.”
“Whatever.” Sara began to throw around the dishes in the sink, trying to make as much noise as she possibly could. A plate cracked and cut her hand. Sara cursed.
“Sara!” her mom exclaimed. “How dare you use that language! Go to your room!”
“No!” Sara yelled, throwing down the towel she was using to wipe the blood off her hand.
“Do you want to say ‘no’ one more time and see what happens?” her mom asked. She looked furious.
“Sure,” Sara said sarcastically. “No.”
“How dare you!” Her mother slapped her.
Sara shrank back, staring incredulously at her mom. She had never hit Sara before.
“I HATE YOU!” Sara screamed before running out of the house.
“Sara, get back here!” her mom yelled, running after her.
“Leave me alone!” Sara screamed, running across the street. “I HATE YOU!” she screamed again.
She continued running until she heard the sound of screeching tires and a scream. She turned around, hoping that it wouldn’t be what she thought it would be….
People were crowding around Sara’s mother, who was laying in the middle of the street, looking broken, bloody.
“NOOOO!” Sara screamed, running over and pushing through everyone to kneel by her mom. “Oh no, oh no….”
Her mom wasn’t moving or breathing. She was gone. Sara tipped back her head and wailed to the sky, sobbing so hard it hurt.
She couldn’t believe the last words she had spoken to her mother were “I hate you”.
How can we not judge when someone does an act that is harmful to us in a harmful manner ? If someone is doing a harmful act, should we just accept the harm saying that it is just the maturity level of the person? If there is no right or wrong, then are we not letting people justify their wrong doings? Without judging how can move away from something unpleasant?
Can we look deeper within ourselves? Can we see that many times our judgements happen due to our
vested interest, when a personal desire goes unfulfilled? If the very same situation would had happened to someone else, then perhaps we may not have judged it the way we did. However when the mind experiences a personal loss, then it is quick to judge, have you noticed this? Many times we judge the acts of others, yet when the same act is committed by us, we are completely accepting of ourselves. This happens to the best of us – this is ego and attachment at play.
Judgement divides the world into two, into that which is acceptable and that which is not. Once the world is divided, conflict is inevitable. When the mind judges something as wrong or bad, it becomes agitated, it moves off from it’s center. The mental agitation does not help in making the situation we are dealing with better. When in judgement, instead of seeking for a “solution”, our mind starts contributing to the “problem” at hand. And then, repeated, strong mental agitations programs our subconscious mind into believing that these unwanted situations is actually what we desire, and thus more undesirable situations begin to manifest in our lives.
Say you have a light dimmer with 5 levels, 1 being the lowest (dark) and 5 being complete brightness. To judge the dimmer would be to keep our minds extremely blissful when the dimmer is at level 5, being happy when it is at level 4, neutral at level 3, being unhappy with the dimmer when it is at level 2, and then becoming completely upset with it when it is at level 1 (dark). And then if you prefer darkness instead of light, you do the same thing, just that your emotions will be in reverse – you would be upset when the dimmer is at level 5, and happy when it is level 1. In reality, why don’t we judge the dimmer? Could it be because we know that it is the nature of the dimmer to give different amount of light at different levels? In the same way, could it be possible that different people give out different amounts of “light” depending on their present state of mind and their level of spiritual/psychological evolution?
Non judgement does not mean we let people run all over us and not take any necessary steps to move towards making the situation better. Indeed take appropriate action Be aware of where the road leads Choose intelligence. Not every decision we make is a moral choice. Sometimes its just a matter of choosing between stupidity and intelligence, but detach your mind from it, which is the cause for your negativity. To not judge is to see the act of the other and experience no resistance in our mind. It does not mean we accept the act, neither does it mean we reject the act. It is choiceless, awareness of the act. It is seeing things as they are, without the veil of our beliefs, prejudices, and our attachments. In pure awareness, there is no mental agitation, and you get energy to move towards creating an improved situation for yourself. While our judgement makes the undesirable behaviour persist, our awareness changes the very energy, the very karma of the situation In some cases letting go is the right choice and as we all know every situation is different life is what it is and what we ourselves make it.. we are who we are we are where we are because of our personal life’s journeys And what we need to learn from it.
Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.
- The Inner Dialogue (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
“Every time you abuse a child, every time you hit a child, every time you swear at a child,every time you put fear into a child. Every time you are negative with a child. What are you Educating them into?
You are not educating them into them into “Love” you are not educating them into feeling good and liking themselves, you are not educating them into feeling confident and positive you may as well just rip all their friends away from them before they start making them as that is what you’re doing And by god friends are important as a child. What you are doing is crushing their spirit with your negativity, anger, lack of trust and fear and insecurities.You are crushing them with the fact, that YOU don’t really like YOURSELF and are afraid to be REAL!! You are crushing within them the wonder of Life.
You are educating them to fear REAL LOVE AND INTIMACY with other Human Beings because YOU, yourself are afraid of real Love and Intimacy. And no where is this more apparent then in the relationships between Men and Women. We are not civilised, look what we do to each other and then call it “Love?” Love is not an “Intellectual” exercise. It is a state of being”and it is real when we except it for real it is our job our responsibility to keep our children loved, safe, secure and fed well at all times till they are ready to leave and maybe do the same with their children, every action and word has a reaction.
Really think about the kinds of values you would want to install in your children. The brain of a child is like a little sponge, it will soak everything up, hold it for as long as it can and then it will wring itself back out. If you want what comes back out of their sponge to be clean for them, then guess what? You need to be completely accountable for your actions.
If you are not ready for near total accountability, you are not ready to have children. I am a capable human being but there have certainly been times where I have literally curled up into a corner and had myself good, heart-wrenching sobs. In those moments I felt there was no possible way I could continue to go on doing what needed to be done but the important thing “never” stop questioning, because curiosity has its own reason for existing .
Children,unfortunately do not come with “time-outs,” however, their needs must be met. In those times I have always managed to pick myself back up and continue to be the capable human being my children deserve and have helped make me. Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they “are always watching you”! and If you have never been hated by your child at some point you have never been a parent.
I have six children and my son’s and daughters know that I may get mad at them from time to time. I may not like some of the things they choose to do, but they know my love for them can never and will never waver no matter what and where ever life may lead them. I will always be right there and this will last the rest of my life,.. it isn’t like a pet where you make a commitment for upwards of the next 18 years tops. A lot of people have this vague notion that once a child turns 18 a parents job is done. If you’re one of them I suggest getting a pet instead of having child .. Look making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
Like I said before please Really think about the kinds of values you would want to install in your children.. if you think about it our story’s are being written with each new day where you have a chance to collect yourself and prioritise with what is most important to you and your children. Changing your frame of mind for the better can bring wonderful new changes that little bit closer, taking it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and find a passionate happier life that is right in front of you. take care of each new day as you make your countless choices .
Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.
The whole point of a relationship is to be happy.
Thousands of marriages break up every year, that’s a sad fact. They start out great, but something happens along the way. It could be almost immediately that the signs begin showing that one or both mates aren’t happy, or it could take years it could be that you just grew apart that you just don’t have the same interests anymore.
Money careers and egos are often behind the most break up of a marriage but there are other reasons that marriages break up, but shouldn’t. The lack of communication is one reason why marriages finally fall apart.
Respect Some couples, begin their relationships just by talking, and talking. Then one day, you notice that you don’t talk as much as you used to or that the conversations have little meaning. There could be many different reasons behind this. One is that the couple are tired after Work, and caring for children, and just don’t feel like talking. After many months or years of this, you seem to lose the connection you once had. Another communication problem is pretending to like something you don’t, in order to make the other person happy. Good intentions, but they often go sour after you realize that you don’t want to pretend any more. Now the only thing left to do is hurt the person’s feelings or let them know you lied and were only pretending the entire time. This often causes one mate to lose respect for the other and without respect a relationship cannot run as it should.
Jealousy Another reason that many marriages break up. Once Married many people expect their mate to give up friendships, particularly ones with the opposite sex. Many women don’t want men to go out for a night with the boys; many men want their woman to speak to no other man. Arguments follow, and hard feelings. Distrust and finally bitterness result in not being frank with each other about this topic from the beginning. Marriage will change previous relationships somewhat, but no one should have to give up their previous friendships to suit a mate. Trust is important in a relationship and trust goes out the window when either party becomes jealous and it just simply cannot work without trust no matter how hard you try.
Love. When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. But For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.
But during this period a lot can happen like getting marred and having children together which changes everything altogether and even if you fall out of love when you have children many people do go on and chose to live a lie for the sake of the children’s so much time in ones life is use on trying to build on this route.. when two people have children together anyway it creates a type close to unconditional caring love because you created another human being between you that will be forever shared ” but this is still much different from being in love” so no matter what happens you can still love each other and care a lot. So for the one that has lived the lie and for them to finely stand up and call it a day, which will happen eventually that person is probably in much more pain than you are for having to live the lie and go without true love for the one they cared about for so long. this is the most hardest part of a break up in most marriages or long term relationships that person that has left you gave there life and time to you as much as you did them so to think that it’s just you suffering is a loud of self blinding ego ruling you..
After the relationship ends, how can you behave in a way that says you respect yourself and the situation? It’s hard because just ending a relationship can make you feel you’ve failed somehow. Still, it’s important that you respect yourself as a person and carry on.
First off for your children You and your x-mate will always be their parents. Your children need to know that they are not losing the love and care of either parent. They need to know that neither of you is divorcing your children. Reassure them that, although you and your spouse are no longer together, they will always belong to both of you.
Gather your support. Now is the time you need your friends and family, more than ever. Don’t try to go it alone but also remember your x-mate also need support as you do, Trying to take and turn their family against them to support yourself is serious mental, and emotional abuse towards your x-mate the other parent of your children, don’t forget both parents are needed in their life as are the rest of their family on both sides.. what kind of parent would do this to there children..but some people do this without thinking straight this really is between yourselves and you children NOT NO ONE ELSE.
- Don’t release your bad feelings on your ex mate physically. This type of rash action can have serious and lingering consequences.
- Don’t ever use your children to fuel for your anger this is between you and your ex the children’s other parent why should your child be without one or the other..children’s success in adjusting to separation and divorce depends very much on the success of their parents’ adjustment. If you are coping well, they will cope well too. Your biggest tasks are to show that you have good coping skills and to encourage your children to keep on communicating with you both unless in cases of serious physical, mental, and emotional child abuse then it would be different.
- To share your feelings.. Slagging off you x-mate and what your going through in front of a big audience like face book for instance is also disrespecting yourself as well as your x mate and your children. This type of behaviour is the same again mental, and emotional abuse.. once again. It’s not no ones fault when two mates or one of you fall out of love it happens it’s a part of life some people grow and some don’t. Using your ex partners family and friends that you shard together as your defence against them can have serious consequences also on them’ your x and your children this is serious mental, and emotional abuse.
- Don’t do anything dangerous or harmful to yourself. The pain, anguish, and anger you feel will pass – hard as it may seem to believe at the moment. Give yourself some time to feel better. Remember it’s like a broken bone: it hurts something awful at the beginning, but in time it is already beginning to heal and feel better.
- Most of all doing the grown up thing is to accept the relationship is clearly not working and is over Don’t beg. your mate who broke up with you. they already made up there mind. No matter how shocked, panicked, and in pain you are, don’t beg them for another chance or blackmail them with your children. It’s very hard to do, but to let this end leaving you with some shred of dignity, just say to them “I’m so sad about this, but if that’s your decision, I have no choice but to accept it,” is much more dignified than screaming,”No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you want me to!!” Let them leave and then pitch your hysterical fit and just understand they are hurting as much as you are.
In life as you go on you will realize that there is a purpose for every person you meet People come into your life to teach you things and learn from you don’t be disheartened, let down or upset if they need walk away.. Why ? because they were only meant to show you something, whether its patience, tolerance, humility, some are only there to parent your children …!Some are there to test you, some will use you, some will teach you, empathy or maybe just to be better than them; let them go with gladness in your heart because it is all part of their journey as well as yours, they obviously have further to walk than you. last of all some will bring out the best in you and some just wont so move on its needed..!
Wish them luck as you wave them goodbye… its all part of life evolving.
All I can say is god bless you all and Please take care xxx
Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved
- Emotional Abuse: The abuse no one ever told you about (joannewellington.wordpress.com)
- Women, Abuse, and Why They Stay (joannewellington.wordpress.com)
- Top 10 Signs You’re Dating a Butthole: (joannewellington.wordpress.com)