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How to deal with a narcissist – The signs, the protection and the support

Do you have a cold, overbearing, self interested, grandious individual in  your life? If so, its vital that you learn how to recognize and how to deal with a narcissist.  Knowing how you can deal with a narcissist has many benefits, but the most important being that you will learn how to protect  your self from emotional, and potential bodily abuse.

As a narcissism  support practitioner over a number of years, I strongly believe that it is  essential to be made aware about the narcissistic personality so you can have  sensible expectations when dealing with coworkers, buddies, or members of the  family who might have a few of these qualities.

blame-abuseHere are some methods to  be familiar with a narcissist: Their motto is always “Me first!” Everything’s  all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement,  crave admiration and attention. A legend in their very own mind, the world is  mirrored in their image. They’ll corner you at a party, and narrate their life  saga. Some narcissists may be charming, clever, caring–that’s, until their  guru-status is threatened. Whenever you stop stroking their ego or beg to  disagree, they’ll turn on you and become punishing and abusive.      

These people are so  harmful because they lack empathy, and have a restricted capacity for  unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been  shut down due to early psychic trauma,  such as being raised by narcissistic dad and mom, a crippling handicap both  emotionally and spiritually. Onerous as it might be to grasp, these folks have  little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them. Though usually  extremely intuitive, they primarily use intuition for self-interest and  manipulation.

To find out if you’re coping with a narcissist, ask your  self the next questions:

* Does the particular person act as if life  revolves round him or her?
* Do I have to compliment him/her to get his  attention or approval?
* Does he/she continuously steer the conversation back  to himself?
* Does he/she downplay my feelings or interests?
* If I  disagree, does he/she become cold or withholding?

Should you reply  “sure” to one or 2 questions, it’s possible you’re coping with a narcissist.  Responding “sure” to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is  violating your emotional freedom and due  to this fact being abusive.

Narcissists are laborious nuts to crack.  My recommendation is: Don’t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain  illusions they are capable of the give and take mandatory for intimacy. In such  relationships you will always be emotionally deserted to some degree. When you  have a withholding narcissist partner, beware of making an attempt to win the  nurturing you never got out of your parents; it’s not going to happen. Also, do  not anticipate to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all  of the hoops you will need to jump through to please them.

paul2012frees  –    About the Author:

Despite all the difficulties in coping with a narcissist, there are excellent  methods and support services accessible for anyone struggling in a narcissistic  relationship and not able to move away from it for any reason. To find how to deal  with a narcissist, and what support is available click the preceding link  (or CLICK HERE  NOW) to visit Stop-The-Abuse.info

My own thoughts bothering me.

When I feel less than good, I know these are just my own thoughts bothering me. When I am feeling sad, or angry, or frustrated or depressed, I ask myself “What do I need to believe to feel this way?” Behind every negative emotion is a belief of powerlessness. I realize that nothing is more important than feeling better. By changing my limiting beliefs and choosing empowered thoughts, I find relief. I feel better.

Is He/She Abusive?-  You’re not Crazy. Learn the disease. Stop the abuse.

Are you being abused? You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one. Abusers work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer.

So what is abuse? Is it someone who hits you  emotionally or mentaly  hurts you  to get what they want? Sometimes, mostly not! Ask yourself this: does your partner hurt you repeatedly in any of those ways? Does he or she do it to satisfy their own emotional needs, or because they’re out of control? Does she or he use the situation to lock you in so you have to tolerate it, or make a huge sacrifice to get away? If you see this dynamic in your relationship, you are being abused. The hurt of abuse can come in many ways, including physical attacks ,mental attacks, verbal attacks, sexual attacks, , or contact with friends and family.

 You’re not Crazy

For many of us, struggling to live with this kind of abusive partner, the first handhold we need to grasp is that we are not crazy. Abusive behaviour isn’t normal. It is caused by an underlying disorder. Most often, the disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or sociopath – technically called antisocial personality disorder. People who suffer from these disorders have extreme emotions, which lead them to actions that can range from puzzling to brutal. Living with them is painful and confusing. Personality disorders are aptly named, because the minds of people who suffer from these disorders work differently than healthy people.

They Spin our Reality: Disordered people can’t deal with the reality of their behaviours. On some level they realize how hurtful they are, yet accepting this major flaw in themselves is just too painful. So disordered abusers spin our reality to make theirs less painful. One of the most common defense mechanism they use is projection. In projection, a characteristic of themselves that they find just too painful to accept is projected onto us. And the most frequently projected characteristic is mental illness. “I’m not a narcissist. You’re the crazy one.” Another common and difficult defense mechanism is blame shifting. It’s your fault this happened because blah, blah blah blah…

After a while it becomes hard to distinguish what is real from what is being projected and what is being distorted. We begin to doubt our reality and question whether we’re the crazy ones, or whether our disordered SO’s (significant others) are really right about what they say.

The truth is, THEY’RE NOT RIGHT. But they feel better when they can get us to carry the burden of their illness and their behavior.

What’s more, disordered people hide their problems very effectively. People with all of these personality disorders – narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder – have serious maladjustments in coping with life. Thus, they live in emotional turmoil. They seek to present a very together appearance, hiding their disease from most people. It is only when we get into a close and private relationship with someone  else these personality disorders that the abusive behaviour comes out. And because their lives are wracked with emotional turmoil, there is a lot of pent-up emotion that can be focused on us. Yet those around us don’t see it, causing us further confusion and pain.

Dealing with this situation is complex, and people need some idea of how bad it could get ” For most people, there are important obligations that have to be carefully thought about to move away. Because abuse is so damaging significant decisions have to be faced to be resolvedin an evan manner. Because abusive partners constantly work to distort our perception of what is happening and what is right and wrong, until we doubt our own judgment so much we can’t make decisions the process of detaching to find safe space and to regain a sense of right and wrong, and searching to understand what we, as people, need in our lives can become very difficult.

Those who need it the most – the traumatized victims – are locked out by the jargon and the lack of practical advice. Recently, survivors and victims have taken matters into their own hands and have published their own books, replete with first hand experiences and tips.

It has to be known that Healing is not easy and will take time No matter the outcome. if getting professional help is Not a financial option, there are many web sites that can assist with self help. local libraries Have books that can also assist on the journey to healing.

Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World                                            

Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.

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