Sometimes we spend a chunk of our lives looking back on what was. We are stuck remembering and holding onto something that is no more. We reflect on old issues, remembering things that have happened and moments that have passed. Why do we do this; why is it so important to us that it, in a way, consumes us? What benefit is there from spending so much time reflecting and remembering? Sometimes it seems like our mind wanders there on its own, without our consent. We could be busy, occupied with something else, and all of a sudden we are thinking of our past and once again drawn into a moment that is gone. Why do we do this? Because we haven’t let go of what was, and because we do not fully understand it.
We hold onto moments that have affected us, moments that were hard for us or emotionally difficult, and we also hold onto what we don’t understand. Think about it, how often do you spend time remembering the great moments, the moments where all went well and everything was great? Those memories are wonderful and they should be the ones to pop up so that we can feel good and be happy. But no, this is not what we do, for we understand those moments, nothing confuses us, and therefore they are rarely looked at. We look at the ones we don’t understand because our mind is trying to figure them out. Why was it so hard, why did it hurt us so much, what could I have done differently? Why did I do what I did, or why did someone else do that to me? All these questions are being run through our memories because we are trying to understand and make sense of what happened to us. We may not get the answers, but we continue to try and we fixate on certain moments.
Do you ever find yourself reflecting on the same event over and over? One moment that was hard for you and emotionally trying? You are either trying to make sense of that moment or you haven’t chosen to let it go. For if we understand it and we still replay it over, then we are choosing to be stuck with it. You can look at it in two ways, either you are choosing to hold onto something that no longer exists because you want to or because you don’t understand it. There is one way to solve both of these problems. It is acceptance; it is that pure and that simple. If you want to be at peace with your past, accept it completely. Accept that you don’t understand it and probably never will, and then be okay with that by accepting the idea that you cannot solve it.
By accepting our past, we in turn let it go; we can let go of the moments that hurt us and we still hold onto. By accepting that it did happen, we let it go. We try to avoid this kind of acceptance, we really do, that is why we spend so much time in our past. Acceptance holds a lot of power; it not only releases, but it sends us into a much more clear and open place, one without fear, worry, or hindrances of any kind. By accepting, we are not only setting ourselves free, but we are opening ourselves up. Think about all the space you could have in your mind and in your heart if it were not filled by those trying memories. Think about how much more peaceful you could feel without that one memory that keeps bugging you. By eliminating those trying and hurtful memories, we are allowing ourselves to move on and live life in the present. Accept and be free.
Zoe Young and Adam Benedetto – About the Author:
Find your true self, and learn how to truly be in the moment at Answers in Writing.
Adam Benedetto and Zoe Young are both dedicated to enabling others to reach their full potential in life, to help others release what is holding them back, and to find their true selves. Through years of experience and development, both have sought out the answers we all need to find peace, understand ourselves, and reach enlightenment.
What is the difference between responsibility and blame? The most basic answer to that question is judgment; when you blame you judge. According to Merriam Webster, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible as a: moral, legal, or mental accountability. Blame, however, is defined by finding fault with someone or something. The most obvious difference when examining these definitions is judgment. If someone blames you for something, they have found fault with something that you have done or some decision that you made. If you are to blame then something you have said or done has caused an adverse or undesired outcome.
I, like millions of other people, grew up in a less than ideal environment. That environment hindered my growth and development during that time. That environment helped shape me into the person that I have become today. I could blame all my problems and bad decisions on my childhood. I could blame all of life’s woes on my parents; convince myself, as well as others, they are terrible people or at least terrible parents. However, any such ascertain would not only be unrealistic, it would be a lie. The truth is my parents did the best they could with the information they had available to them at the time. My parents will always be my greatest teachers. My parents may have made some decisions I wish they wouldn’t have, but to blame them takes away any personal responsibility. I used to blame all my hardships on my mother, especially, and I can assure you it never did me any good. My mother always says, “that was then and this is now” and she is right; choosing to forgive all involved and take responsibility for my part in the dysfunction helped significantly. I allowed myself to learn very valuable lessons and move on with my life and even become a better person. There is payoff in the pain; being the victim and blaming others only allows you to feel helpless, and feeling this way allows for you not to make the necessary changes that will improve your quality of life. I do realize that not everyone had a “bad” childhood but everyone has adversity that must be overcome at some point in his or her life.
Taking responsibility allows us to learn from our history and personal experiences, where as blame is just a judgment that keeps you stuck in your own personal emotional hell. Blame is a judgment that prevents us from learning from our experiences and moving on in a healthy way that is beneficial for all involved. The economy is not in chaos because of one person’s greedy decision. Our way of life has not fundamentally changed because one powerful man or woman said it should. Our current dire circumstances are a direct result of everyone’s decisions. We have corrupt politicians but they work for us and we elected them into office. We have created many of the problems that we are facing, and now is the time to take responsibility and shift into a new way of relating to each other, shifting into the next paradigm. Stop pointing your finger with blame because every time you do there are usually three more fingers pointing back at you. The big book tells addicts that they have “stinking thinking” and it is that thinking that got them into trouble in the first place. Shift from blame to responsibility and help yourself and the rest of us began the healing process together. Change your language and perception and you will see the world change right before your eyes.
L.G. Fuller – About the Author:
My name is LG Fuller and I am an aspiring author. I have always had a passion for writing and this is my attempt to turn my passion into a profession. I would love any feedback so please comment and or follow me on twitter at LGFuller07@twitter
“Sara!” her mom yelled. “What are you doing? You know to do your chores right when you get home! And you’re late!””Coming, Mom!” Sara yelled, getting up and stomping towards the kitchen. “What?” she snapped as her mother gave her a stern look, annoyed.
“You’d better straighten up your attitude, young lady,” her mom warned, “or you’ll be grounded.”
“Whatever.” Sara began to throw around the dishes in the sink, trying to make as much noise as she possibly could. A plate cracked and cut her hand. Sara cursed.
“Sara!” her mom exclaimed. “How dare you use that language! Go to your room!”
“No!” Sara yelled, throwing down the towel she was using to wipe the blood off her hand.
“Do you want to say ‘no’ one more time and see what happens?” her mom asked. She looked furious.
“Sure,” Sara said sarcastically. “No.”
“How dare you!” Her mother slapped her.
Sara shrank back, staring incredulously at her mom. She had never hit Sara before.
“I HATE YOU!” Sara screamed before running out of the house.
“Sara, get back here!” her mom yelled, running after her.
“Leave me alone!” Sara screamed, running across the street. “I HATE YOU!” she screamed again.
She continued running until she heard the sound of screeching tires and a scream. She turned around, hoping that it wouldn’t be what she thought it would be….
People were crowding around Sara’s mother, who was laying in the middle of the street, looking broken, bloody.
“NOOOO!” Sara screamed, running over and pushing through everyone to kneel by her mom. “Oh no, oh no….”
Her mom wasn’t moving or breathing. She was gone. Sara tipped back her head and wailed to the sky, sobbing so hard it hurt.
She couldn’t believe the last words she had spoken to her mother were “I hate you”.
Thinking a lot about this as so many people are going through or have recently been through this, its a hard time for these people, I remember well when my marriage ended after 14 years, thinking your on the right track, then bang, they walk out the door, leaving this trail of heart ache and devastation not only to you, but to family and friends, everyone is affected when this happens. I remember times of being suicidal, to the point where I had a councillor come to my home each week, feeling like no one else will make you happy, the fears that come with starting that new journey are both daunting and scary and if your life me and have children, there are those questions, will they like my children, will they love my children, will my children like and love that person so many things running around ones head, not wanting to move on, hoping and praying they come back, begging for them to come back, willing to change as a person to get that person back……………………………..
So where do we start when this happens, first thing I learnt was I had to look at why, was I really happy with him anyway……………. no, was the relationship the best in the world…………………….. no, what was it that I was so scared of, what was I trying to hold on too, well sometimes something is better than nothing, there is a comfort zone, knowing who you are with, knowing where you stand even when your not totally happy its better than the alternative.
The amount of people that I have asking for readings asking if they will come back, wont find anyone else, that’s it now no more, cant do this again, why has this happened, lots and lots of questions running around ones head, answers needed to help.
If there is one thing I have learnt, that people come in our lives for a reason, sometimes it is to help each other, sometimes to experience love, sometimes to just learn lessons, no matter what there is always something good to take from the relationship and equally there is something to learn from it. the way I got through my divorce was to really look at the whole thing, I was never truly happy, but not happy to leave myself, so really he did me a favour, at the time though had anyone said that I could not have even comprehended that to be the case, I needed to come to that conclusion myself. so then I looked at what I could learn, ok so I have learnt to not just go into a relationship because I care, because they make me feel good at that time, I have learnt that I will only accept the best, and not take second best, I have learnt, that if a relationship ends, that’s how it is, its meant to be, what is more important is the healing phase, finding yourself again like I had too, no point trying to force someone to be with you, is that really going to make a good happy relationship later………………. I think not
We cant change the past, but we can the future, so what can we bring forward into a new relationship, simply ourselves, its not good carrying all those scars, holding on to what other people have done to you in the past, and no relationship will work when you do that, again its about healing, one persons loss is another ones gain.
Look at what your scared of, what is so scary about a new relationship, for me it was about someone accepting and loving me for me, the rejection dating can bring etc, there is that saying feel the fear and do it anyway. Self love is important, if you don’t love you, how can someone else truly love you.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if I can get over a 14 year marriage, stay friends with him, and go on my own journey, and find love again, and its not a love like I had in the past, it is much better than that, the relationship is different and stronger, I am happier now than I have been in my whole life, so when I look back was it really so wrong my ex husband left me for someone else?? Hell no she got my left over’s where as I started a new life.
What will be will be, if it was a mistake that person will come back to you, let them come back, but don’t put your life on hold, get out there, heal, be happy, and if that person doesn’t come back, trust me and believe me when I say to you, that you will find a greater love, and happiness than what you thought you could ever experience. I gave myself a time limit, when that clock struck midnight on new years eve, that was it for me, no more tears, no more begging, no more nothing it was going to be about me and my children, taking control is important too x
A Few things to ponder on
Is he/ she really giving you what you want and need?
Was the relationship really a happy one?
What are you actuall missing by not being in the relationship?
What are you truly scared of now?
What have you learnt from this relationship, that you can take forward in a positive way in a new relationship?
Are you ready for a new relationship?
If so what are you doing about it, sitting at home waiting wont make it happen you have to work at it, getting out and about, being on line dating sites etc?
Is there a pattern to your relationships that keep failing, is it the type of person? is there something you have not healed from?
Look at what you really want need and desreve
Is that person ticking all the boxes?
Are you paying attention to warning signs but ignoring them?
Have you forgiven the people that have hurt you in the past so that you can truly move on?
Do you love yourself enough, to be able to let another person love you?
Well that is my ramble for today; I hope it helps even if it is just one person
Lots of love, and healing to all those going through a hard time right now xx
Written by Anne Marie Psychic-Medium
- How to deal with your break up after many years “appropriately!!!” (joannewellington.wordpress.com)