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6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

broken-heartNobody wants to be in an abusive relationship as it tends to make you feel and act less than what you are capable of. An abusive relationship makes you feel like a lower species of human beings or the lowest form of a human being. In an abusive relationship your partner constantly makes you feel less than a normal person so that they can control you.

 

Read More >>> 6 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship.

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Ending A Narcissistic Relationship – Difficult But Necessary

When a normal relationship comes to an end it is one of the hardest things we  have to do.  But ending a narcissistic  relationship is twice as hard and can even be downright nasty. If you are  the one ending the relationship then it’s a sure sign you are healthier than you  think.  Now you just have to find a way to stay strong.

verbal-abuseYou might be ending the relationship over things that don’t seem important  but deep down you know they are insurmountable. The fact is, in a narcissistic  relationship, you are not getting your  love returned.

If you are dumped by a narcissist it will probably be quick and heartless.  You will be left on your own to  sort out what went wrong, just like in any breakup, but in this type of relationship it will be even  more confusing.  The narcissist will probably already have someone else  lined up before they leave you. In fact narcissists are sometimes serial  cheaters and they don’t have any remorse whatsoever.   If this is the  case then you should feel good about the breakup.  If you get away from  this person you will no longer be subjected to

Your decision is a little harder if you are trying to end this destructive  relationship over something that might seem small to others.  You can end  up doubting your decision, especially during the initial stages of the breakup  when you are lonely and thinking you would rather be with this person than be  alone no matter what the problems are.  You begin to believe the  manipulation you have been subjected to in the narcissistic relationship.

You think if you just try harder you can make him/her love you.    You must get this out of your mind.  The narcissist is incapable of loving  anyone but themselves.

It is important not only to stay strong when you are ending a narcissistic  relationship.  It is also important to get advice from someone who has been  there or seek out professional counseling.   This is a hard  relationship to recover from because the narcissist has very skillfully  brainwashed you into thinking everything is your fault.  They have their  hooks in you and it is hard to break free.

You need to stay focused on why you are breaking up.  You no longer want  to be put down or subjected to rages or made to feel you are unworthy of this  person.   You want a mutually loving relationship.   And  even though you have been conned into thinking you don’t – you DO deserve a healthy relationship.

The fact is that even if your partner has not cheated you have been abused in  a very subtle way.  The narcissist has controlled you and lowered your  self-esteem.  You may not even be aware of this right now but in time you  will start to heal and realize what a bad situation you have been involved  in.

You are probably ending this relationship either because your partner cheated  on you, physically or verbally abused you or was just never there for  you.   Any of those reasons are good reasons to end this  relationship.

Stay strong by remembering when you needed your partner’s emotional support  and he/she just didn’t care.  You’ve probably tried talking with your  partner many times about how you felt and he/she still didn’t care.  That  will never change.  Your desire for a partner who will have empathy for you  is what will keep you strong.  And, the narcissist is not capable of  feeling anything for you.

This might be the hardest thing to understand.  The narcissist cannot  meet your needs for reciprocal love.  Period.  Focus your energies on  someone who is deserving of your love.

Rene  Carlton –    About the Author:

Click the link for more information on the narcissistic  relationship

Women, Abuse, and Why They Stay

I am proud of my parents because they gave me a great childhood! It was not  perfect-perfect, but I had a VERY happy time with lots of love and affection  from both of my parents and my grandma. Now that I am an adult I understand that  I got very lucky, because most people don’t have it for one reason or  another.

abused-womanOnce I had a conversation with a very old friend (I’ve known her since I was  five). We talked about the good old times, and I realized that one of my  childhood memories is connected to an instance of abuse in families. Our family  used to live in the apartment building. One of our neighbors was an artist. The  neighbors all said he was very talented and recognized by the society.

However, that guy was an alcoholic and hit his wife all the time. I remember  that I could hear his yelling and his wife screaming! It was so odd to me at the  time. I remember when my parents and other neighbors tried to talk to him many times. For a few weeks we had a quiet  existence but it never last for long. Women in the neighborhood talked to his  wife. They were trying to convince her to make a decision, to call to the police  or to leave him. But she always refused. She said she had three sons, she didn’t  have a job and even if she did she couldn’t support three boys by herself. So,  her choice was to stay with this terrible person!

Women stay in abusive relationships not only in the situations when they have  nowhere to go or no money to survive. Very often they stay with abusive men  because they think that the guy “loves” them and they “love” him. This is hard  to believe for a lot of people but unfortunately it is what they truly  think!

Once, my girlfriend’s parents picked her up at the hospital because the “love of her life” hit her!  When I asked her why she was still with the guy, she said that he was an  amazing, intelligent, funny person, but sometimes he cannot control his temper.  She added: “When he is in a good mood he  can make me very happy. But nobody is perfect”.

I was speechless! “Nobody is perfect!?” He could kill her!

It proved that most of these decisions people make is because of the money  issues or fear of something. There are different fears: fear of being alone,  fear that nobody will like you, and fear of not having children. Fear, fear,  fear. We cannot be prisoners of fear and let other people tell us what to  do!

I was thinking about abuse a lot. Why do women let themselves be in this  situation? I am not only talking about  physical abuse. I also mean emotional abuse. I talked with my mom about my  friend. My mom said that some women couldn’t stand up for themselves and be  strong enough to oppose the abuse. Probably those women were abused when they  were children, got used to it and brought the terrible relationship pattern into  their adulthood.

For some people childhood is the happiest time of their life – for others it  is something you have to try to deal with forever. I would like to give some  parenting advice to parents who have daughters. My father was always very gentle  and affectionate to me when I was a child, and it gave me a great deal of  confidence in life. Always respect your child. Be aware that you are responsible  for your daughter’s future, and that you want to be the kind of parent that sets  a good relationship example!

Karina  Lawrence –    About the Author:

Karina Lawrence is a full-time mom and an active participant in various moms’ blogs and other mom online community sites. She loves discussing on daily tit  bits of her parenting experience  and likes to share her ideas with other moms.

 

Emotional Abuse: The abuse no one ever told you about

I find this a very important topic to have a lot more discussion about.   Although we all are raised, and hear all around us, that it is wrong for men to  hit and that is abusive, the topic of emotional/verbal/psychological abuse seems  to be often over looked.  The damage done emotionally can last even longer  than physical abuse, maybe even a life time.

Emotional-AbuseWe always wonder why a woman would tolerate a physically abusive man.   It seems crazy to us…someone hits you – you leave – pretty simple.  What  people commonly don’t know is that physical abusers start as emotional  abusers.  By the time a man becomes physically abusive, he’s torn the woman  down emotionally so bad or for so long, she’s not sure which way is up.  I  know most women think they can spot this guy without any more information and  this goes into the “it would never happen to me” category.  All I can tell  you is I have an engineering degree, held good jobs, always had healthy self esteem, know better than to let a man  treat me bad, and I still woke up one day to find myself in an abusive  situation.

Emotional abuse can be much more complex and devious than just tearing you  down, telling you that you aren’t attractive, stupid, etc.  I’d like to  share a short story with you to better explain how the manipulative emotional  abuser works his ways.

My boyfriend at the time and I planned a long weekend vacation.  I was really excited about going on  vacation with just him and myself.  The day we were set to leave I was  sitting in my boyfriend’s house, with his roommate, waiting on him to get home  so his roommate could drive us to the airport.  I noticed his roommate had  his bags packed and asked where he was going for the weekend.  He looked at  me like I had two heads and said, “I’m going with you guys.” I was shocked,  hurt, and mad my boyfriend hadn’t talked to me about his roommate coming with  us.  I wouldn’t have bought plane tickets if I had known it was a “group” trip.  When my boyfriend got home I pulled him off to the side and calmly  asked him why he hadn’t discussed it with me.  He told me “We discussed it  last Wednesday.  Don’t you remember?  You were sitting right there, he  was sitting here, and I was sitting over there and we all agreed.”  I was  really upset because I still didn’t like the situation and was no longer excited  about the trip, but what was wrong with me that I couldn’t remember the  conversation? It must have been my bad memory that my ex sometimes picked on me  about.  No matter how upset or hurt I was, I only had myself to  blame.  I must have agreed and not remembered.

It wasn’t even until I left him that I realized that conversation with all  three of us never happened and he was just messing with my mind.  It was  always like that.  “I already gave you directions, don’t you  remember?”  “We already talked about this, don’t you remember?”  “I  told you to bring xyz!”  I felt dumber and dumber and dumber in that  relationship.  I thought I had a horrible memory, and sometimes I  can be a little forgetful so I bought right into it.  He made me dependent  because I surely couldn’t depend on myself with how absent minded I had  become!  The entire time I was with him I never questioned it.  He  always put so many details around the lie it never occurred to me that I  couldn’t trust the words of someone telling me that they loved me.  I  couldn’t imagine lying like that and thought abuse was easier to spot, like just  telling someone “you are an idiot”, instead of slowly convincing them that they  were stupid in such a manipulative way.

Your biggest defense against manipulative people and emotional  abusers is to trust yourself no matter what the situation.  Had I  trusted myself and trusted the facts in my head, rather than what he was telling  me was fact, we would have dated around three months instead of ending up  married.  Had I been educated on how emotional abuse really works, I never  would have ended up in that scary situation.

The list below is signs that you may be in an abusive relationship.   It’s a good list to keep in the back of your head for friends, family, or  children too so you can quickly recognize red flags.  This list has been  taken from www.drirene.com:  If you  answer “yes” to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look.

Does your partner:

ignore your feelings?

disrespect  you?

ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of  humor?

ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

withhold approval, appreciation or  affection?

give you the silent  treatment?

walk away without answering  you?

criticize you, call you names, yell at  you?

humiliate you privately or in  public?

roll his or her eyes when you  talk?

give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or  family?

make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don’t feel  well?

seem to make sure that what you really  want is exactly what you won’t get?

tell you you are too  sensitive?

hurt you especially when you are  down?

seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts  you?

have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent  reason?

present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

“twist” your words, somehow turning what you said against  you?

try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear  your clothes?

complain about how badly you treat him or  her?

threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you  out?

say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

ever left you stranded?

ever threaten to hurt you or your  family?

ever hit or pushed you, even  “accidentally”?

seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each  other?

abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?

compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you  insecure?

promise to never do something hurtful  again?

harass you about imagined  affairs?

manipulate you with lies and  contradictions?

destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?

drive like a  road-rage junkie?

act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those  behaviors?

question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your  competence?

interrupt you; hear but not really  listen?

make you feel like you can’t win? damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse  then?

incite you to rage, which is “proof” that you are to blame?

try to convince you he or she is “right,” while you are “wrong?”

frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of  misunderstanding?

treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand  regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to  you:

You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say  something.

You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.

You find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior?

You feel emotionally unsafe.

You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your  relationship.

You hope things will change…especially through your love and  understanding.

You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of  reality.   

You doubt your own  judgment.

You doubt your  abilities.

You feel vulnerable and  insecure.

You are becoming increasingly depressed.

You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

You have been or are afraid of your partner.

Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

Another great resource is the bookThe Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to  Respond by Patricia Evans.  It is often quoted as the top book on emotional abuse  and may be helpful for you or someone you know needing to educate his or herself  on emotional abuse.

Remember that abusers are often well liked, intelligent, well respected  people and only mistreating their partners while alone.  If you have  someone in your life, who is in a relationship, and seems to be cutting off  contact with you and other friends, have a heart to heart if you are close  enough.  I know I may not have listened right away, but if I had people I  loved telling me “It’s not okay, ever, that he did this or that.” or “You  deserve a man that acts like this or does that.” or even just shown me that  list, I might have woken up sooner rather than later.

Never forget that your life is your choice.  Only you get to decide what  you will and will not tolerate.  Click  here to purchase Hear my Heels bracelets to remember to keep  going towards the life you deserve.  Please forward this information to all  the women you care about.

20% of profits will go to domestic abuse charities.

Molly  Pennington –    About the Author:

Hear my Heels ~ The sound of you walking away, smiling, towards  something better.I am the owner of Hear my Heels.  Hear my Heels creates  products for anyone who has found or looking to find the strength to go after  everything they deserve in life. We donate 20% of our profits to domestic abuse  charities.  No man, woman, or child deserves to suffer at the hands of an abuser  and it is our mission to remind everyone of their value, strength, and self  worth.

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

emotionally-abusive-relationshipLetting go of an abusive partner is surprisingly one of the toughest choices that victims of abuse will eventually make. Victims are often unaware of the unhealthy turn of their relationship and tend to stay trapped in it unless concerned family members and friends bail them out.

An abuser may develop the attitude that the abuse that they are exposed to is normal, or even deserved, but it is not. If you have recently realized that you are in a relationship that is not healthy, you may be considering leaving. Here, I will provide information on leaving an abusive relationship.

If you are looking on leaving an abusive relationship, you will go through several phases. It is important to know and understand that this is normal. The first thing that you may experience is a phase where you look to rationalize the behavior of your partner.

You try to justify your partners behavior towards you with these explanations: perhaps your partner is just bothered by a lot of problems; perhaps you really are to blame. What you need to do is wake up. You are each responsible for your own actions. Abuse is never your choice. Stop taking the blame.

The next phase involves a feeling of loss and emptiness. When you anticipate leaving the relationship for good, you find it hard to imagine how your life will go, especially when you have grown so dependent on your partner ” exactly the same person who abused you.

Your abusive partner has had a considerable degree of control over you after breaking your spirit and rebuilding it sans any regard for your needs. When you withdraw from this control, you tend to feel empty. This is just how things work. Don’t get stuck in this stage. If you want to unload the burden of sorrow from your life, you must be ready to leave on your own. You do not need anyone’s guidance or control.

Undoubtedly, you will be weighing a lot of factors when you want to escape an abusive relationship. Let one of the fundamental factors be your safety. Because your abusive partner is rarely able to control temper or aggressive behavior, expect small fights to intensify to brawls.

You could become seriously injured, and you could even be killed as a result of physical abuse. If you experience emotional or psychological abuse, you could end up suffering from depression. Believe it or not, this could actually have an impact on your physical health as well. You must consider yourself, your future, and your health.

Once you decide to walk away from an abusive relationship, it is important to understand that the abuser may not like this at all. They could even attempt to hurt you while you are making the attempt. It is important to ensure that you have a plan that includes additional people that can help you through the experience.

It is also important that you do not reveal the details of your new location when leaving. If you consider the points listed here, walking away from an abusive relationship will prove to be the best choice that you will ever make.

Liz Johnson – About the Author:
Liz Johnson is a recognized expert on bad relationships. If you have found this article useful please visit her web site for more tips, information and practical advice on leaving an unhealthy relationship You can get a unique content version of this article.

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