Daily Archives: August 13, 2011

Women, Abuse, and Why They Stay

I am proud of my parents because they gave me a great childhood! It was not  perfect-perfect, but I had a VERY happy time with lots of love and affection  from both of my parents and my grandma. Now that I am an adult I understand that  I got very lucky, because most people don’t have it for one reason or  another.

abused-womanOnce I had a conversation with a very old friend (I’ve known her since I was  five). We talked about the good old times, and I realized that one of my  childhood memories is connected to an instance of abuse in families. Our family  used to live in the apartment building. One of our neighbors was an artist. The  neighbors all said he was very talented and recognized by the society.

However, that guy was an alcoholic and hit his wife all the time. I remember  that I could hear his yelling and his wife screaming! It was so odd to me at the  time. I remember when my parents and other neighbors tried to talk to him many times. For a few weeks we had a quiet  existence but it never last for long. Women in the neighborhood talked to his  wife. They were trying to convince her to make a decision, to call to the police  or to leave him. But she always refused. She said she had three sons, she didn’t  have a job and even if she did she couldn’t support three boys by herself. So,  her choice was to stay with this terrible person!

Women stay in abusive relationships not only in the situations when they have  nowhere to go or no money to survive. Very often they stay with abusive men  because they think that the guy “loves” them and they “love” him. This is hard  to believe for a lot of people but unfortunately it is what they truly  think!

Once, my girlfriend’s parents picked her up at the hospital because the “love of her life” hit her!  When I asked her why she was still with the guy, she said that he was an  amazing, intelligent, funny person, but sometimes he cannot control his temper.  She added: “When he is in a good mood he  can make me very happy. But nobody is perfect”.

I was speechless! “Nobody is perfect!?” He could kill her!

It proved that most of these decisions people make is because of the money  issues or fear of something. There are different fears: fear of being alone,  fear that nobody will like you, and fear of not having children. Fear, fear,  fear. We cannot be prisoners of fear and let other people tell us what to  do!

I was thinking about abuse a lot. Why do women let themselves be in this  situation? I am not only talking about  physical abuse. I also mean emotional abuse. I talked with my mom about my  friend. My mom said that some women couldn’t stand up for themselves and be  strong enough to oppose the abuse. Probably those women were abused when they  were children, got used to it and brought the terrible relationship pattern into  their adulthood.

For some people childhood is the happiest time of their life – for others it  is something you have to try to deal with forever. I would like to give some  parenting advice to parents who have daughters. My father was always very gentle  and affectionate to me when I was a child, and it gave me a great deal of  confidence in life. Always respect your child. Be aware that you are responsible  for your daughter’s future, and that you want to be the kind of parent that sets  a good relationship example!

Karina  Lawrence –    About the Author:

Karina Lawrence is a full-time mom and an active participant in various moms’ blogs and other mom online community sites. She loves discussing on daily tit  bits of her parenting experience  and likes to share her ideas with other moms.

 

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