Personal Growth Starts With The Self Image

There are many articles and pieces of information about personal growth and  the self image, most of which help the  reader to push forward in life and make important changes if they can. Many  times however changes are only temporary and we very quickly resort to our old  ways. One thing I have learned about personal growth is it is sometimes  difficult to take on board all the information that is available, partly because  of the sheer quantity of it and partly because it’s big business  and there always seems to be a new way of doing something. It’s hard to  keep abreast of the latest product or idea.

I am writing this article to introduce you to some beneficial ideas that I  have learned about personal growth and in particular the self image over the  last ten years or so. I have put these ideas into practice and have had huge  successes, although initially I found it hard going. I hope you benefit too.

All your actions, feelings and emotions are consistent with your self image.  By the way your self image was forced upon you when you were a child. The  environment and people you grew up with formed the image of yourself while you  were very small and impressionable. Of course you did have some say in the  matter as you grew older but your basic self image was formed when you were very  young. This means of course you are not responsible for any feelings and beliefs  you now have since you didn’t intentionally create them! However the good news  is, now that you are an adult, you can redesign the image of yourself and  therefore your life, exactly the way you want it!

So then, the self image can be changed. Positive thinking doesn’t help  because it is external. If you change your self image everything else has to  change too. Your whole life has to be consistent with your new image. In each  person there is a ‘life instinct.’ We all want more life, more health, more  happiness and success. In Maxwell Maltz book ‘Psycho-Cybernetics’ he describes  this life instinct as a ‘creative mechanism’ which if used correctly becomes a  ‘success mechanism.’ This mechanism must have goals to work on. These goals are  of course mental images created by your imagination. Your number one goal should  be your self image. He says ” Our self image prescribes the limits for the  accomplishment of any particular goal. It prescribes the area of the possible.”  So then you must visualise and act out new action patterns. You must act as if  you are wealthy, successful and the person you want to be.

Most people unfortunately still are unable to put the previous paragraph into  practice – I was one of them – and achieve what they want out of life therefore  the following information is for them.

Your self image is created in two ways. Both are crucial to your success. The  first is A BELIEF IN YOUR ABILITIES. This part of your image can be changed  easily by rational thought. If you are not able to do something then go out and  learn how to do it. This new confidence will help you achieve your goals. You  can do or learn absolutely anything to be the sort of person you want to be.  Since this part of your self image needs you to actually get up and learn a new  skill or become more knowledgeable about a particular topic, to help you become  the person you want to be, I don’t want to spend too long speaking about it.  It’s up to you! If you really want to achieve or become better at something or  be a certain type of person there is plenty of information on how to do it. The  internet is a fantastic resource to start with. Just do it!

The second way your self image is created is a belief borne out by how you  feel EMOTIONALLY about yourself. Your self image has to be consistent with how  you feel about yourself emotionally. This emotional charge can be very powerful  depending on how you were treated as a child.

For example….when you were a child, if you asked your mother to help you  with a game or some painting you were doing and she said ‘No, I’m too busy,’ the  emotional content of that statement would of had a huge influence on your self  image. Let me explain. If she said it with a smile and a soft voice then that  would have had a positive effect on your self image. However, if she said it  harshly with a scowl on her face that would of had a negative effect on your  self image. It is the emotional content of what she said rather than the answer  itself that makes the difference. As a child you would have experienced many  such episodes, some good, some bad. Hopefully the good would have outweighed the  bad. If you have a negative self image which has been formed in this way you  will not be able to improve it by rational argument. By the way people who have  a negative image of themselves, formed in this way, put everybody else first all  the time, believing that they are unimportant. They believe that they don’t  deserve very much from life. We all know somebody like that.

As we grow up these emotionally charged incidence have less of an effect on  us. Psychologists tell us up to 5 years old is the period we are most  susceptible to this type of self image formation, however we are still  susceptible up to the age of about 12 years old.

So why can’t we just change things?

If we now know that having a low self image due to emotional events while we  were growing up is holding us back, why can’t we just change those feelings to  more resourceful ones?

Well these feelings and emotions were formed by emotional events during your  childhood, and the belief you have about yourself is buried deep in the  subconscious mind. If you were aware of every feeling, every emotion, every  thought, then you could change things into something more resourceful. However  this level of awareness would put you in the zen monk category. I talk about  this on my website below.

For the majority of people this just isn’t going to happen. The subconscious  mind doesn’t care if you are unhappy or poor or lonely. The subconscious mind is  concerned with your survival. Your  internal world was formed while you were young and it was formed in such a way  that it gave you the greatest amount of safety and security.

For example….while you were growing up, you learned that water is safe to  drink but dangerous to fall into, likewise, electricity powers a light bulb and  gives you light so you can read but is extremely dangerous to touch.

Your subconscious does not want to change any of this information because  doing so might be dangerous to you. Likewise the self image formed from  emotional events and deeply ingrained in your subconscious is part of you and  must stay there to keep you safe as far as your subconscious is concerned. Your  earliest experiences gave your subconscious mind enough data to build up a  picture of who you are and how much you are worth. If your self image is such  that it believes that you are a failure your subconscious mind will have you act  in such a way as to fulfill this belief every single time!

So how do we improve this part of your self image?

Your subconscious created it so you could be as safe and secure as possible  when you were young, given the circumstances you had to deal with. We can  improve it very easily by doing something that most people are familiar with but  unfortunately don’t do properly and that is of course by goal setting.(more information on my website below) By goal  setting correctly we immediately give the subconscious mind something positive  to work on.

If you remember, I said that this part of your self image only responds to  the emotional content of your perceived world. This is the reason you have the  kind of self image that you have now. Therefore it is important to realise that  this part of your self image will only RESPOND TO EMOTION ONCE AGAIN. This is  why you must IMAGINE and VISUALISE what you want. You must get EXCITED about  every aspect of it. If you don’t get excited then you must choose another goal.  Unfortunately people try to make their goals ‘realistic’ in terms of what their  present self image tells them they are capable of.

For example….the person who wants the million dollar mansion but settles  for the 200K one because his present self image tells him he has to be  ‘realistic.’ It is this very ‘realistic’ self image that has kept him down in  the first place! If he kept imagining and visualising what he really wants, and  gets excited about it, the subconscious mind HAS TO bring the opportunities that  will help him acquire his million dollar mansion! This is the way Universal Law  works!

If people would only realise that the subconscious will make all their dreams  come true if they believed this to be the case. Doing little action steps  towards each goal on a daily basis will keep you positive and looking forward.  If this was done by everyone we would all be completely in charge of our own  lives and less dependent on government, welfare and outside influences.

It is such a pity that the subconscious mind is prevented from achieving  anything that you really want because the conscious mind judges everything by  what the eye and ear reports to be true, much of which is only perception with  no real truth. Personal growth is all about the self image and awareness. While  most people may never be fully aware they can certainly work on dreams and  goals. They can visualise and imagine how achieving them would feel. They can  become excited by the mental images. If they are persistent over time, and small  steps towards your goals are achieved, self image will improve and you will  become more confident. These small successes snowball into bigger ones and  before you know it you have achieved your largest long term goals. I wish you  huge dreams and success!

Maxwell  –    About the Author:Maxwell Hill is author of Ultimate Wealth Made Easy.To achieve what you want from life and improve your self image at  the same time you must   goal set properly.  Copyright: You may freely republish this article  provided the author, text, active links and this notice remain intact.

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Thankfulness

~Rather than react negatively to people and events, we can include them and mould with them. Through acceptance, our consciousness jumps to another level of perception (understanding) and we realize that what we might have previously regarded as a problem can, if handled correctly, be a means to develop our strengths and remove our weaknesses. Whether a situation is a problem or a gift depends on our perception. The choice is ours.–

Everything Happens for a Reason

Certain events happen in our lives that completely change our outlook and  consequently the choices we make. Be it  ending a relationship, leaving a job, moving away, losing a loved one, winning  the lottery, finding your soul mate, starting a  family after many years of waiting, overcoming a fatal diagnosis, etc.  This list could go on and on. One may say it is your destiny or karma.

It’s obvious that there is significance in every event of our lives, from the  most joyful and empowering to the inexplicable or seemingly unjust. I am a true  believer in the phrase “for every door that closes, four more open.”   I have personally experienced it in my life on many occasions. So often, good  things come out of bad or sad situations.  Growth occurs and lessons  learned benefit others and open their eyes to a world of possibilities.

The search for meaning is perhaps the most definitive aspect of our humanness.  Everyone longs to find or make meaning of their lives and particularly the  difficulties of their lives.

Friends or loved ones may come into your  life for a purpose. This may be to teach you to love, learn to be compassionate,  guide you along a difficult path that you have taken, or to pass on their  knowledge to you. This reminds me of the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch  Albom.  It’s a very enlightening story about a teacher who teaches his  student many valuable lessons that he will use throughout his life.

It  is important to remember, despite your circumstances, that life is short and  make every day count.  Appreciate the good times and how fortunate you are  for your irreplaceable experiences. All of your challenges and obstacles have  been opportunities to realize your potential, strengths and to put meaning into  your life.

When you are able to turn around a negative situation and  make the outcome positive, you should feel like you have accomplished the most  wonderful, glorious task.  I have  attached several positive quotes that I  find quite inspiring:

1. We are not human beings on a  spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
– Stephen Covey

2. Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of  souls.
– David Thomas

3. Each time someone stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of  others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of  hope.
– Robert F. Kennedy

4. If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be.
– Anonymous

5. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and  frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream.
– Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,  twentieth-century American civil rights leader

6. No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted.
– Aesop, Greek fabulist

7. If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.
– Jonathan  Winters

8. No fate is worse than a life without a love.
– Mexican  Proverb

9. The secret of health for both mind  and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the

future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and  earnestly.
– Buddha

10. Never live in the past but always learn from it.
– Anonymous

Sherise  Lambert –    About the Author:

At TarotWiz.com, we analyze and explore a wide variety of Spiritual Topics to  investigate the truths of the Psychic Phenomenon. I specialize in using Tarot  Cards to best communicate with spiritual energies. This assists me to interpret  and provide guidance to others on their personal endeavors. I have been  providing private readings professionally for over 9 years now. Thank you for  reading our articles. We look forward to sharing our vast knowledge with you,  and hope to peak your interest.

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Positive Versus Negative Thinking (Part 1)

There is a little block on Facebook that one fills in to let others know what  you are doing. Everyone who has a Facebook account will know exactly what I am  referring to. At the moment it asks; “What are you thinking about?” Yesterday I  answered the question by writing: “Well only positive stuff! I am successfully  keeping any negative thoughts out! Although there are a few yapping at the door,  trying to get in!”

The fact that we can control our thoughts still remains one of my greatest  revelations in this entire personal growth endeavour. For many people, thinking  positively is a luxury, but really it is something we shouldn’t live without! So  in actual fact it really is a necessity. I mean many people get through life  with very little positive thinking at all, but the question is do they enjoy  that life? I would imagine that they don’t, well not as much as they could  anyway. People who do not concentrate on the positive things in life, have less  fun than people who do! We all want to enjoy life more, don’t we?

Well here’s the solution; take the trouble and the time to direct your  thoughts in a positive direction. It might seem tedious to start doing this at  first…but make it a habit! As with everything in life, practice makes perfect!  We’ve all seen cartoons of a character with a little angel sitting on one of his  shoulders and a little devil sitting on the other. If the character gives in to  the little devil that is making negative, evil suggestions he inevitably goes  off and does some mischief. Similarly, if the little angel wins the battle of  the will, the character goes of and performs a good deed. Although this is  usually just a bit of fun entertainment, there is a lot of truth to the scene.  We are constantly having to make mental choices, whether we realize it or  not

Positive and negative thoughts are vying for attention all the time.

As I mentioned in the Facebook quote,  there are little negative thoughts yapping at the door of our minds all the  time, and it is our job to keep them out. We have things ‘thrown’ at us on a  moment-by-moment basis. We could easily chose to construe many of them as  negative. It’s at that very moment that we must choose to think positively! Of  course that is sometimes easier said than done, especially if you feel that you  have a reason to be miserable or you have some other baggage, bondage or Life  Sentence that has pre-programmed you to think in a negative way in this  situation automatically. This of course is the  very heart of my recently published book; “Freeing Your Mind”. In the  book I identify all sorts of things that direct your thinking into a negative  path. It’s things that give the red little imaginary devil sitting on your  shoulder fuel to taunt you with. Yes, thinking positively is a luxury, but as  earlier stated I venture to suggest that it’s a luxury that we can’t do without.  In the next few blog articles that I will be submitting, I will address some of  these bondages that make us open up the door to those yapping little negative  thoughts. We have to keep that door shut! In fact we need deal with many issues  that are causing the yapping, and causing the negative thoughts to surface more  regularly. To stay with the metaphor, we need to reinforce that door so well  that we can’t even hear most of the yapping and the little that we do we can  easily ignore.

The problem is this does not happen by itself. It needs work, it needs  attention, it needs you to take control of your thinking.

I feel like pleading with you, if you have not already done so, to make a  conscious decision today! Decide that you will take control of you thinking from  this moment on. Decide that from now on you will do whatever it takes to keep  any negativism at bay. Do this and stick to it and you will find that your life  will take on far a more positive hue. You will be far happier and have much more  fun. In time you will have a whole new different life. If you would like to  learn more about this, and harness the power of  positive thinking I hope that you will join me and countless others by  staying tuned in, and by following my blog in future.

For all the Facebook fans, you are  also welcome to connect to my facebook page.

I leave you with this quote: “The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels  the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” Unknown

Roy  Stuart Heeley –    About the Author:

Roy Stuart Heeley RED BOW TIE http://www.RoyHeeley.com/book http://rsheeley.wordpress.com/

 

Emotional Healing Examined

“How can we eliminate the deepest source of all unsatisfactory  experience? Only by cultivating certain qualities within our mindstream. Unless  we possess high spiritual qualifications, there is no doubt that events life  throws upon us will give rise to frustration, emotional turmoil, and other  distorted states of consciousness. These imperfect states of mind in turn give  rise to imperfect activities, and the seeds of suffering are ever planted in a  steady flow. On the other hand, when the mind can dwell in wisdom that knows the  ultimate mode of being, one is able to destroy the deepest root of distortion,  negative karma, and sorrow.” – From The Path To Enlightenment by His Holiness  the Dalai Lama

What are these spiritual qualifications that His Holiness the Dalai  Lama refers to? This article will focus on emotional healing as this is the  starting point for revealing these spiritual qualifications. So let’s take a  close look at what it means to heal emotionally.

What is emotional healing? It is a painful process that leads to  peace, happiness and self-knowledge. Self-knowledge leads to liberation. It is  painful, because only painful emotions need to be healed. True happiness does  not need releasing! But true happiness remains un-experienced as long as there  is an escape from pain. It is the healing of buried pain that allows happiness  and joy to start to make a true entrance into our lives. This is because only  through self-acceptance can we really move forward in our lives.

The word pain is used here to cover the whole gamut of emotions,  negative thinking and blockages, including sadness, grief, loneliness, hurt,  fear, anger, guilt, judgment, betrayal, hatred, jealousy, envy and so on.

Emotional pain can be described as frozen feelings, stored in our body and  memory,  that lead to suffering. The suffering we experience may or may not  be openly acknowledged to ourselves or not. When we suffer due to some negative  emotion, if this is not acknowledged, the emotion gets lodged in us and remains  there and thus the ‘see3ds of suffering’ are planted. Suffering is  self-generated. No pain can be given to us from the outside. It is not the event but the thoughts we project  onto ourselves and others about the event that create suffering.

At some level we obviously enjoy our suffering. It’s obvious because  otherwise we wouldn’t be this way. After all, don’t most of us consider  ourselves to be knowledgeable, clever, in control and aware? But despite all  these attributes people constantly find themselves facing the same patterns, the  same scenarios and the same problems time and time again.  It’s like we  lock ourselves into the prison of our own suffering, throw away the key and then  complain when we ‘can’t’ open the door; yet the key is in our own pocket all  along. You might say that this is a rather harsh view, and it perhaps seems so  on the surface. The point is that it’s not about eradicating suffering,  for this is part of life, but of acknowledging it for what it is.  Calling a spade a spade. And not lawnmower.

In order to understand why individuals are responsible for their own  suffering let’s enquire more deeply into the subject.

The majority of us have emotions stemming from our past, mostly with their  origins in childhood. Given the society we live in, these emotions are difficult  for us to express. We learn from a young age to keep them hidden inside us,  since everyone else is doing the same. We watch others: our parents, siblings,  other family members, friends as well as people in general. We notice that they  suppress their emotions and try to always appear in control. Seeing our closest  loved ones withholding their emotions from us – as well as thereby withholding  their expressions of love – may even lead to deep issues of co-dependency. These  patterns do not shift easily as one get older, rather become more and more  entrenched. Wisdom is not an automatic given of ageing! Or maybe as a child we  did show our emotions but got hurt in the process, so we decided at a  subconscious level to hide our feelings, for fear of being hurt again.   This is all very understandable and an aspect of the human condition as it is at  present. But this is not the road to joy and peace. For pain can’t be eradicated  by the suppression of it. And happiness can’t be attained through pretense (the  mind projecting a self-image of ‘I am happy.’)

John Pierrakos, MD, one of the first psychiatrists to bridge medicine with  spirituality, said, “Negative emotion will emerge in devious ways when it is  denied recognition.” Thus, if we wish to live a true, fulfilled life,  suppression is not an option. Moreover, John Pierrakos also said, “If we  close off negative feelings, we stop our creative process.” Thus the  suppression of emotions leads to dull lives, lacking in vitality and free  expression; and moreover, keeps us starved of real love, given and received.

Over time, we come to believe our cover-ups and to buy into our own story of  self-control believing we’re ‘fine’. Our emotional life becomes more and more  hidden. Sometimes, when we do feel real feeling – maybe when we watch a film  that moves us, or feel touched by someone’s act of kindness or due to a painful  experience in our lives – we may allow real emotion to surface for a short  while, but we are mostly still unable to fully express it. The foot is quickly  back on the break pedal. Our habitual suppression kicks in automatically. We  have trained ourselves well!  And thus, as we go through life, with all the  stresses and demands upon us, we may sometimes feel anguished and confused, but we are inept at expressing what really lies  within us. As we lose connection with our own feeling center, we may even be  unaware of what our true feelings are, since denial becomes the new reality  during this suppression process. But denial is a painful game we play with  ourselves, and if we are honest with ourselves, we can sense this dichotomy in  us, a fragmentation, an inner conflict. We may have a niggling sense that we  haven’t turned out to be the quite the person we thought we would be, or that  life has somehow been harder than expected or that the quality of happiness we  hoped for ourselves hasn’t manifested.

Eckhart Tolle, in the Power of Now, says: “The best indicator of your  level of consciousness is how you deal with life’s challenges when they come.  Through those challenges, an already unconscious person tends to become more  deeply unconscious. You can use a challenge to awaken you, or you can allow it  to pull you into even deeper sleep. The dream of ordinary unconsciousness then  turns into a nightmare.”

This nightmare is one that most of us believe to be normal life. But real  life is not this. If we open our eyes we will see the vast dichotomy between the  quality of our inner experience and what we think or prefer to believe  is our experience. This game that we  constantly play with ourselves – a game that takes a serious toll eventually – is called ego. The ego – or personality – has a lot invested in our delusional  patterns and keeping us this way.

If we can allow ourselves to become aware of this inner confusion and sense  of dissatisfaction, then we have a chance to heal. If we remain unconscious to  the world of emotions, life will continue on an unconscious path, a veritable  battle to keep at bay what needs to come to the fore in order for us to become  more whole. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we know that in our daily  lives there are many instances of conflict or some negative emotion. But due to  our inability to assimilate such emotions, we shy away from admitting this. The  disease of the human condition to deny what is so and believe what we want to  believe, lies at the heart of our own self-generated suffering.  But the  energy expended in keeping emotions at an arm’s length may as well be used to  deal with these emotions because one day we’ll make that choice anyway. Finally we may say ‘enough is enough, I need  to change’. In the end, whether now, in ten years, at the point of death, or  beyond, our heart will feel the call to finally soften. But why wait? Why  accumulate more ‘stuff’? Why deny? There is much healing to be done on this  planet. It creaks heavily with the pain and suffering that its people are  holding on to everyday.

If, individually, we are willing to allow our perspective to shift with  regard to our beliefs about ourselves and take a step back from our fears, then  we are half-way there. What we then have is a transformational opportunity that  the release of emotions presents. In fact without it, growth – emotional, mental  and spiritual – is impossible. When there’s an elephant in the middle of the  room, there’s an elephant in the middle of the room!

It is often the case that emotional work requires a catalyst because it is  not easy to look at ourselves in an honest way in the normal course of events  due to the walls we place around ourselves, especially as we go on hiding  ourselves from ourselves. But finally, there comes a point when the game’s up.  So at a certain point in our life, a trigger may present itself that will take  us out of our comfort zone. The trigger may be many and varied – loss of some  kind, bereavement, mounting stress, illness, redundancy, addictive patterns  becoming worse, a sudden change in our lives, or simply a weariness or low-lying  depression. The pain that we feel at these times is a message from our heart  asking us to shift our thinking and beliefs. We ignore this message to our  detriment. The breeze of truth is knocking on the door. This truly is a  blessing!

But better than waiting for such a catalyst we can also feed our own natural  curiosity and with intent can become more conscious.

So what is ‘the process’ for emotional healing?

It is quite simply to feel the pain. To sink into it. For  women, it’s a bit like labour pains when they tell you to just let the pain  come. This is the key in the pocket. Also, the pain is felt in the body, our  faithful mirror, and we can now look at where exactly it is in the body. Perhaps  it is in the chest area, or maybe the belly. Our body can show us much more  about ourselves if we listen to it and it doesn’t lie. For example, cancer  patients who have ridden themselves of cancer have, in the process of healing,  usually had to look within themselves at the negative emotions they have been  holding onto, and release them.

It is often beneficial if the origin of the painful memories can be  remembered but this is not essential. Even if you can’t remember the exact  circumstances or conditions at the time of the pain being created inside you,  the emotion itself is still stored and this can be felt. Energy never  disappears, especially where there is much emotional charge.

Where does the anguish or anger come from? What are the beliefs you hold  about yourself concerning this situation? Usually at the base of pain is a  closely-guarded belief about ourselves, something we do not care to admit to  easily. A feeling of unworthiness, not being good enough or some negative  self-belief. Stating this belief in one sentence is often a good way of  pin-pointing it. When we find the limiting belief, we will usually feel deep  emotion arise, and the tears need to be allowed as they arise. Fear not! Tears  and suffering are finite.

Whatever the circumstances, we ultimately created our own pain alone, and we  must deal with it alone. Whether someone else is present when we go through this  is our choice – and it can certainly be very beneficial eg a therapist, holistic  practitioner or trusted friend – but no one can feel the pain for us and or take  responsibility for it, other than us. This work is done alone ultimately.  However there are many tools and techniques that can help us with this work, eg  Hypnotherapy, Counselling, Core Energetics, EFT, Spiritual Healing and much  more.

For men, it is often harder to allow themselves to admit to and feel deep  pain, and to weep. But this is a huge release. Feeling the pain is necessary if  healing is to occur, regardless of whether you’re a man or woman. Ultimately the  gender divide is immaterial. It is time for men to allow balance between the  male and female energies within them. Just because you’re a man, it doesn’t mean  you’re not sensitive. Sensitivity is the birthright of both genders. Have you  seen how sensitive babies are, both girls and boys? It’s just adults who have  formed walls around their heart. Now the heart is gasping for air.

Healing ourselves is an allowing of whatever memories and thoughts arise  without resistance. It’s the resistance to what is arising that turns pain into  suffering. Resisting anything in life causes some level of suffering.   We’ve heard the expression, ‘what you resist persists.’ So there is simply no  deeper way to heal than to allow pain to surface whenever it shows up. But be  careful not to resist the resistance! Even this must be allowed.

When we are real with ourselves, there is a great release and freeing up that  takes place. This is because we are no longer the same person anymore. We are  still who we always were, but now, without the burden of that pain. J  Krishnamurti said, “Pain itself destroys pain. Suffering itself frees man  from suffering.” This is because in feeling our pain purely,  without resistance, it is released and is no more pain, but rather freedom. It’s  the freedom of being liberated into the full-feeling, authentic human beings  that we really are.

The act of self-healing is an act of self-love. And love truly is the  transformative power. Self-love is the starting point. How can we love another  when we have little idea how to love ourselves? How can we love ourselves when  we deny ourselves due to feelings of shame, insecurity or guilt? Loving oneself  is like nurturing a brand new baby. It’s a nice analogy. As a loving parent  would you want your baby to suppress its needs and suffer silently or would you  want your baby to express its needs and have these met? Uncannily, we may see  that it is the nakedness of love that really terrifies us. Love terrifies us  much more than fear.  We are not used to love in its tenderness. But there  is ultimately no other option. We are here to learn the lesson of love.

The understanding and empathy that come from being more gentle with ourselves  enables us to be gentler towards others. In learning to love ourselves, we learn  what it means to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness is deeply healing. It allows a  softening in the place where we were stuck and hardened.

Once we do such release work, the sensation or experience we may feel is that  a fog has lifted from in front of our eyes, yet only now do we know this fog was  ever there. A sense of surprise that the problem was a problem in the first  place. Our eyes see as if for the first time. We lighten up. Phew! A heavy  weight lifts. We begin to let go of our addiction to pain and suffering, for it  is that: an addiction. It is what we are used to. We may finally see that  shocking events only exist to shock us into awakening to the truth of life. And  what is the truth exactly? It is that all our emotions and pain are not real. If  they were we could not shed them, or heal them. For what is real does not  require shedding, it simply is. The truth is that we are complete and whole as  we are, and this real Self requires no healing. All the events and situations  that arise that challenge us are for the purpose of unveiling the real Self,  where we finally find peace and rest.

The reason that the release of hidden pain provides such relief is that we  feel a rare moment of existing in the Now, of being present to ourselves. This  is a profound experience, for it is only in being present to ‘what is’ that we  can truly experience ourselves as real.

Pain cannot exist except in our minds, our closely guarded memories, and the  beliefs we hold about ourselves and others. These are simply a protection  mechanism for fears that do not exist in reality. Ultimately all pain and  suffering are an illusion – hard as this may be for the mind to accept. How we  know fear doesn’t exist in reality is because in those beautiful, alive moments  when we are wholly present to what is, we feel freedom and lightness. There is  no fear then.

And what does life look like without undue suffering? David Spero, a great  spiritual teacher based in California, says, “The more profoundly we go into  our emotional states, going deep into the fabric of our emotional life (that  which is true for us) and release that which has been put there through some  form of abuse or some form of betrayal – working through that you begin to feel  naturally what you feel in an unhurt state.” Fundamentally, we are all  innately happy and peaceful.

Sri Ramana Maharshi (1879 – 1950), the Indian sage who attained enlightenment  at the age of 16, said: “Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire  it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.”

To unveil this state of happiness we must first look at its distortions. We  can only discover it by going into and through the level of guilt and negativity  we carry inside. This allows the moment to be experienced unresisted. Then  sorrow is transcended and our own innate joyful nature allowed to surface. And  in being true to our real Self, we experience deep satisfaction. Finally, we are  home.

Reena  Gagneja – Counselor –    About the Author:

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Reena Gagneja is an internet marketer and runs the Spiritual Truth Blog,  where you will find the Truth behind the scenes – vital information for  these changing times. She is a Spiritual Counsellor, Soul Plan Reader and Amega  Global Business Associate.

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