Monthly Archives: April 2011

Feeling overwhelmed and helpless?

Often times, life throws challenging situations at us that are beyond our control. Perhaps your relationship with your spouse is becoming worse and you are tired of trying to make it better. Or, you might have been laid off from a job and finding it challenging to meet ends. Perhaps your business is failing and unable to keep up with the competition. Or maybe you are tying to find the right life partner for many years now. In all the above situations, you tried your best to get what you want a number of times, only to encounter disappointment time after time. Now you feel overwhelmed and helpless with the problem at hand, and no longer believe that a solution is possible. Does this sound like you? If so read on.

Why do we give up?

Failure is painful. No one wants to try again and again just to fail each time and lose all respect of those around them in the process . In order to avoid further pain, our mind simply gives up on us. When this happens, one becomes unwilling to attempt anything further as the moment we think about the problem, all the painful thoughts of past failure overwhelms us, and all we are able to do is to give ourselves reasons why any action we take will not succeed.

The good news is that whatever  the life situation or whatever life throws at us, we can always turn it around once we decide to make it happen! Here are some tips to orchestrate the turn around :

1) Believe it is possible to succeed

The only real danger is your belief that there is no solution for your problem – that you are indeed helpless. You need to first remove this belief if you want to make any progress. The fact is that all power to find that solution lies within you – you are just not seeing the solution yet.

2) Your past is not equal to your future

Your future has got nothing to do with the past. By taking correct action in the present moment, you can create anything you want. Learn from the past but do not get stuck in it.

3) Practice Persistence

Success takes persistence. People who stick around longer without giving up open themselves to success more than people who give up easily when they fail a few times. Successful people never stop trying.

4) Do it better each day

While persistence is good, one needs to always look for better ways to solve the same problem. Get creative and see how you can solve the same problem in a better way, that you did not attempt yesterday.

5) There are no real failures

Each failure is a stepping stone to future success. Failures brings us much needed knowledge and experience that was lacking the last time around. If the correct lessons are learnt and applied from past experiences, success if not far away.

6) Consult with an expert

It is good to get some fresh ideas from other people who have experience and skill dealing with the challenges you are facing. For example, some relationships that you could not improve by yourself for over a decade can be turned around in a couple of months with help from a skilled relationship coach. The same goes with other areas of life such as your career, health and finances.

7) Stay positive and appreciative of what you do have

Just because one area of your life is not working the way you want, do not fool yourself into believing that your entire life has gone haywire. When we are focused on what is lacking, we just tend not to pay enough attention to what is working. Practice genuine appreciation of the areas of your life that are doing great. Whatever the situation, each one of us has a lot to be grateful for, that some others may not be blessed with.

8) Know that this too shall pass

No problem remains forever. Most of us have faced problems that perhaps felt like the end of the world many years back, that hardly cross our mind at this time. With continued right effort, you will find the solution much sooner than you think.

Why regret something you don’t need to?

Sad thing to see.Why not stand by them I did and have peace in my heart with the knowing I did my best and all I could do” ~JW~

Fearful insecure people & nations are defensive… Loving & secure people & nations are defence-less 🙂

So… if you have a family member or close friend behaving badly why not give them a helping hand instead of turning your back… help them move forwards its good for “your soul”and good for them… always remember you can’t turn back time and you can’t turn back regret.

 

Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.

Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.  (Principle #1)

Dale Carnegie

Commentary by Joanne Wellington

It is quite natural that at times some people around us may do certain things that upset us very much. Our intellect may perfectly justify that their actions are wrong, inefficient, or simply foolish. The natural response from our side is then be to criticize, condemn or complain about the other person’s actions. Criticizing gives us an opportunity to blow some steam. It temporarily makes us feel really good. However more often than not, it does not serve one bit in making the situation and the relationship any better. Why is that so?

This is because whatever a person does, his ego automatically justifies it. Most criminals, including the ones who are perfectly sane mentally, hardly experience any guilt and remorse, however serious their crimes. Their ego and intellect perfectly justifies all their actions. This type of defense mechanism is built into each one of us – we are all setup to defend our actions fully, as our ego never wants to make us wrong. People simply do not like to hear that they did anything wrong intentionally.

It follows then that when we criticize, condemn or complain about the actions of others, what most likely happens is that we will trigger the other person’s defense mechanism. Criticism wounds a persons pride, hurts his sense of importance, and thus arouses anger and resentment. It can demoralize family members, friends, and employees, while not helping one bit in correcting the situation at hand. More often than not, the person we criticize simply finds a way to justify his actions and in turn give some criticism back to us. In some cases the consequences of our criticism can be very serious, and come back haunting at us.

Animals that are regarded for good behaviour learn much more rapidly and retain what they learn more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. The same works with humans as well – It is far more easier to correct people’s actions by speaking positively of the things that they do right, rather than what they do wrong.  Positive reinforcement works miracles with everyone – children and adults alike. A wise man thus knows to skillfully handle the egos of people around him.  He is able to present facts in a way that does not offend others. He puts more effort in understanding the reasons behind other people’s actions – as he fully realizes how futile it is to criticize, condemn, and complain.

Tell to yourself …

Today is the day for a brand-new way of living with more balance , more play , more rest , more calm , more joy , more happiness …Im feeling different already.

Three things,

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