Monthly Archives: August 2011
“Once you label me you negate me.” -Soren Kierkegaard
When you were growing up do you remember the labels people would put on you or other kids? Even teachers and parents would label kids and typically those labels stuck like glue throughout their lives.
When talking about their kids I’ve heard parents say, “Oh he/she’s the smart one, or so-and-so is the athletic one, or this one is lazy and that one’s our helper.
OMG….don’t people get it? Can’t they hear themselves? Don’t they realize how they are setting their kids up to fail? Children are so impressionable and of course they believe their parents.
It’s so sad to watch a classmate be labeled nerd, snob, bitch, slut, loser, fatso, shy one and on and on. These labels sadly define that child’s experience throughout their school years and not only causes a daily silent misery but it irreparably whittles away at their self esteem.
Can you imagine for one second if it were you who had to endure such cruelty instead of them? Not to mention how alone they must feel.
Unfortunately for some this kind of labeling continues its stranglehold into adulthood. These children grow up carrying around these labels and suffer with issues and insecurities throughout their lifetime. And, they don’t realize how little they deserve it.
When you buy into the labels that people have pinned on you, you never live up to your full potential and you allow other people to determine how you live your life. Worse yet, you may start to believe them yourself.
Don’t ever let anyone define you to be any less than who you truly are; a capable, strong, loving, caring, wonderful soul who has the potential to be, have or do anything.
People can call you names but it’s up to you whether you answer to that name or not.
Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was 4 years old and didn’t read until he was 7. I’m sure they called him stupid! Thomas Edison’s teacher said he was too stupid to learn anything. Winston Churchill failed sixth grade and Isaac Newton did very poorly in grade school!
I know people whose parents have belittled them, told them they would never amount to anything, they weren’t good enough and if I can’t love you who can. The pain is still so palpable when speaking with them that it makes we want to cry and breaking these beliefs can take a lifetime.
So the next time you hear someone put anyone else down stop them in their tracks. The next time you tell yourself you’re not good enough, the next time you walk around with that old, worn out lie around your neck, rip it off, rip it up and throw away the garbage that other people fed you long ago.
Know deep down inside that you are who YOU say you are, not what others say you are. Know that you have people who love you and believe you are special to them. And without you, their lives wouldn’t be the same. Know that no one and no thing can ever define you unless you give them permission.
Go out today and celebrate that you can finally have a relationship with your true self. The self that has the potential to be and feel so much more and who can let go of the suffering that these labels have imposed on you.
Rejoice in your light because the truth is we are love, we are special in so many different ways and only we can choose whether we buy into the labels or not.
Do you want to find out how to change your life for the best? Susan Russo is an author and coach who has inspired people from around the world learn the secrets of finding happiness within. Would you like to learn the secrets?
There’s too much aggression in this world because we find it hard to cope with the frustration we feel when things don’t go our way, in the way we want them to. Where much of our time is fruitlessly spent trying to feel as though we have some sense of power over what happens to us and our life! But by the time we realise we’ve done it the wrong way it’s too late, as we are too old, too ill, or have lost our enthusiasm for life challenges, because we’ve burnt ourselves out trying to control the uncontrollable world we live in!
Happiness comes from within our being. And even though other people and things can stimulate that happiness feeling, they cannot give it to us any more than we can give it to them! So why do we constantly strive to seek out other people that we think can make us happy? They can’t! They can only help us to believe the world is going the way we would like it to be, that is the thing that makes us feel safe, and it’s the feeling of being secure that allows us to feel happiness!
When we’re scared it’s difficult to be happy because we increase our anxiety by constantly being on alert for things that prove we are, or are not safe. We watch the world through spy glasses that we believe have mind reading and psychic powers that forewarn us when we’re at risk. We are reactive, which means that if our thoughts or feelings prompt us to do so, we take avoidance steps to keep ourself safe, and are ready to run to escape if necessary.
The problem is our thinking and feelings get distorted when we are scared. And even though our warning thoughts may seem true, accurate and real to us, they may just be a figment of our imaginary fear-filled mind! Where we can end up living life in isolation because we don’t realise just how deep we’ve hidden ourself away behind our protective shields. But it’s never too late to change if we’ve got the courage to try!
There is so much anger, frustration, death and misery energy being projected on to us from the media as world events are brought to our attention, where virtually every soul on this earth is being negatively affected in some way by something out of their control. And most of us are scared about our unpredictable future at the moment. So what can we do when our fear rises and we want to scream out ‘What’s going to happen to me or my loved ones next?’ as we struggle to pay bills we can’t afford and manage the chaotic changes that are being forced upon us by life, government and nature?
We have to change! We have no other option, as strategies we’ve used in the past to make ourself feel better will not work for us in the future. Life will take care of itself – nature will ensure that! So we have to look for other ways of finding inner happiness. Happiness is within us all the time, but we block signals to it by the busyness of our mind. So it might be to our benefit to start looking for happiness feelings inside of us – even though we’ve got other stuff going on, as then we may be able to generate enough good feelings into our conscious awareness to make us feel better!
This means we have to deliberately focus our attention and mind on the task of finding our happy feelings, meaning we have to look within us for that silent whisper of joy, that has lost it’s voice because it has been drowned out by our panic and worry. And even though it seems hard at first, as maybe there is hardly a whisper at all, the law of attraction demands that what we give our attention to grows, so the more we look, the clearer and more stronger the route to happiness feelings will become!
Many feel over-burdened by life at the moment, where sitting quietly and calming our turbulent mind and emotions is the last thing we want to do, as the adrenalin inside agitates us on all levels. But we need to rest our mind and body. We need to find a place of peace inside that we can run to when the going gets tough, where we can regenerate our energy and regain our perspective. And eventually, once we know we can gain an element of control over our emotions and mind, we will start to feel more secure in the knowing that when we need to, we can, and then just maybe we will feel happier than before!
May you have good luck, love and joy on your journey of self-discovery, and if you need further help, please feel free to check out my web site!
Written by Chrissie Batten for spiritguides.co.uk
- How to be Happy (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
I have been thinking a lot about the word ’normal’ lately and have been catching up on my feed reading where I have found a mountain of people struggling with situations caused by this word ‘normal’. Whether it be in relation to sexuality and where you fit on the Kinsey scale or whether it be about being gay or whether it be about what is normal for a person of your age it is all very confusing.
Normal, is often perceived by social norms but even that is flawed because it is influenced by how we were raised, the groups we associated with and our personal belief structures. For example I don’t see people who enjoy going out and getting drunk as “normal” or stealing for a living ,challenging and wanting one up on the other all the time however someone who has grown up around that or socialises with people who do that may see that as “normal” Culturally issues such as being gay may not be seen as normal because it is not common amongst peoples circles and the thousands of years of conditioning that people have received.
I have found that as individuals we each decide what we consider normal. In saying that I have found there is no such thing. Normal simply does not exist. I don’t want to play semantics but to me what we are really saying when we use the word normal or say that some action is not normal is that it doesn’t fit into our reality or it doesn’t fit with what I want in my reality. At this point we can either accept the differences, compromise on behaviours or discard people and situations that don’t meet our idea of normal (reality but loss).
Consider this next time you use the word normal and although I know there are a million scenarios and justifications both legitimate and not, I think and feel the word is just too ambiguous and most of the time doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I just had mention this By society’s conventional standards A very simple idea that can be used to classify abnormal behaviour is personal distress. Basically, if a person is content with their life, then they are of no concern to the mental health field. However, if a person’s thoughts or behaviours are causing them personal discomfort or unhappiness, then they will be considered by the professionals as abnormal.
From small babies to elderly grandparents we have a duty.
The family unit is an inescapable feature of our everyday life .While families should be fundamental to our feelings of wellbeing, they can also be sources of great tension. Whether your problem is troublesome teens, interfering in-laws, competing siblings, demanding parents or ill-mannered children, our guide to family life is an essential tool for domestic survival and it does matter how and what values you want to choose to put in to
your children before you even start.
Children’s manners are getting worse. Table manners are a thing of the past, respect for elders and parents themselves is out of the window, and so on.
We teach our children to walk, we teach them to talk and, if we want our children to interact successfully, we teach them manners: not just elbows-in, saying-thank-you manners but how to rub along happily with others – both peers and those of all generations, backgrounds and abilities, and this is what we would consider as normal just remember this: “In children, you will get back what values you put into them ”the same also works for relationships”.
Always try your upmost to lead by example, teach good foundations which is most important. Notice what you dislike in yourself and don’t teach it your children. Be polite at all times, listen carefully if you don’t listen to your children how do you expect then to listen to you, if you’re a shouting parent you will have shouting kids, act deferentially towards the elderly, show consideration for people in public places of all races. Your
good manners and attitude will inevitably rub off on your children and may bring “back respect” from the lost generation .
From my own experiences of becoming a mother I have learnt the biggest difficulties of today are that no matter what values we do teach our children they are still up against the challenge of the word ” normal” and what is normal as they are always around influences of all sorts. As I said earlier in the article as individuals we each decide what we consider normal… “Normal simply does not exist or does it?”
your views would be most appreciated.
Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World
Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.
- Table manners come more easily when practicing them becomes a game (parenthacks.com)
- Bullying in Preschool: What Parents Need to Know (education.com)
- Tips to Prevent Damage to Teenagers From Parents Fighting (connectwithyourteens.net)
- Coaching Kids to Handle Conflict (brighthub.com)